Chapter 43

WRITTEN IN THE STARS
43

SBANISENKOSI

I park my car at the hospital and thank God for arriving safely because my hands are shaking and I thought I'd get into a car accident. My tears haven't stopped rolling down my cheeks and my heart hasn't stopped aching. I jump off the car and walk inside.

I walk to Mbali's ward, I walk inside and my heart pounds faster.. she's awake and Luyanda is sitting besides her.

“Come in..” Luyanda says, I walk inside and close the door.

“Mbali..” I say, she sits up slowly.

“Thank you for being here..” She says, I shake my head and hold her hand. My own hand is shaking.

“I wouldn't abandon you in a time like this.” I say wiping off my tears and hugging her.

“How are you feeling?” I ask her, she sighs.

“Weak..” She says, I nod and glare at Luyanda who's staring right at me. She's studying me, I think my eyes are red..

“When did my mother leave? I thought I'd find her here.” I say avoiding Luyanda's eyes.

“Why were you crying?” Mbali asks, I shake my head.

“I was not crying..” I say.

“Sbani come on, we can clearly see that you were crying. You can't come here and pretend as if everything's fine. Don't do that..” Luyanda says causing me to burst out into loud cries.

“Haa babe what happened??” Luyanda asks getting to my side and pulling me into her arms.

“What happened?” She asks brushing my back, my own relationship just ended because of my inability to make my partner feel loved. What is wrong with me?

“I'm starting to think I'm not cut out for love.” I say with tears in between, I'm sweating.

“Yini?” Mbali asks, I heave a sigh.

“Christopher broke up with me” I say, even saying that hurts a lot.

“You know what, you don't need to tell us. You're just going to hurt yourself now, please sit down and gather yourself. You'll tell us when you're ready.” Luyanda says, I wipe off my tears but more follow.

“I don't know what suddenly happened, it's not a secret right? that he doesn't like you guys? so I think when I came here last night, it got to him because we had to cancel our star gazing thing with Nkanyiso.” I say.

“Your relationship doesn't have to end because of us Sbani, this is literally  the first guy we've ever seen you falling this inlove with.” Mbali says, I heave a heavy sigh full of pain.

“Oh friend, I'm so sorry..” Luyanda says hugging me. I've never been so hurt, I've never been loved like this and I just blow it? I have problems.

“I need to go.. Did Luzuko come?” I !@*

“He didn't and it's okay, Are you sure you're gonna be fine? Luyanda can come with you. I'll be fine.” Mbali says, I shake my head.

“I'll be fine..” I say walking out and closing the door. Heck..who am I fooling? I'm not gonna be fine. I'm already crying again, why does love have to hurt so much? I rush out of the hospital and go to my car. I jump in and sit in there for a while.

I don't think I'll ever find someone who loved me as much as Nkanyezi did. I wipe off my tears and bang my head on the steering wheel. I close my eyes catching my breath. It hurts so much, I take my phone and the first thing I see on my screen lock wallpaper is a picture of him and I. I unlock the phone and dial his number, please let him answer. It rings for a while and eventually gets declined, I place it on the seat and cry my eyes out.

I finally get the strength to drive, but I don't know where im driving. I find myself driving to Mrs Biyela's house. I don't know how but I'm driving in and parking my car. I jump off the car and walk inside.

“Mama?” I call out for her, I hear her running down the stairs.

“Sbani is that you?” She asks finally emerging and rushes to me. I throw myself in her arms and cry loudly.

“I'm sorry, he came here before he went to you and he told me. I'm sorry I couldn't stop him, ngiya xolisa. I couldn't stop him.” She says brushing my back.

“It's not your fault..” I say crying, she cups my face and wipes off my tears.

“I know it hurts, he loves you and I know you love him as well.” She says, I need him badly.

“Come sit down..” She says leading me to the lounge, we sit down and she brushes my back.

“Nkanyezi loves you. That's all you need to know okay? Every relationship has it's mistakes and they can be rectified even if it's not now.” She says

“I hate that my mistakes and behavior have made me lose the love of my life. I can't even begin to describe how bad I feel for hurting Nkanyezi ma.” I say, gasping for air.

“It's gonna be okay, I know that hearrbreak hurts but luckily you have mothers yeah? mothers who are going to help you deal with this. I can tell how much you love Nkanyezi and I'm deeply grateful to you for having such a positive presence in my son's life.” She says.

“I love him..” I say softly.

“I'm not letting you drive in this condition so go to Nkanyezi's room upstairs and rest. There's something I want us to talk about when you wake up. I'll also make you some food so you can keep your energy up.” She says.

“Thank you..” I say, she hugs me.

“Having someone I can look at as a daughter is a big flex for me because it keeps my mind off thinking about Adrianna.” She says, after my mother..I love this woman so much.

“Thank you so much mama, thank you.” I say hugging her as we stand up. I walk upstairs while she goes to the kitchen. I head to Nkanyezi's room and open the door. I walk inside and the first thing I see is his photo as a baby on the wall.

I sit on the bed and heave a huge sigh, my heart is beating fast and it's hurting. I don't know why I ever thought relationships are easy..shìt hurts. I lay on the bed and close my eyes immediately dozing off.
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I'm awaken by a wet and cold cloth being placed on my forehead as I open my eyes.

“You're awake, you were sweating so I was thinking of putting this on you. It's hot in here and I already turned on the AC.” She says, I sit up and look around. I'm still in his room.

“Here, some food for you. They're good for you..” She says handing me the tray and placing it on my lap. My heart stops a bit, the hell?

“What's this?” I ask her and raise my head, she smiles and nods.

“A pregnancy test..” She says, so whats it doing on the tray? GOD mustn't do this to me.

“Ma, I can see that it's a pregnancy test but why is it on the tray?” I ask her.

“I really think you're pregnant well..I know you're pregnant but I am asking you to take the test. I don't want to be excited for no reason..” She says, I don't know what's scary, the fact that my heart is about to stop or the fact that she thinks I'm pregnant.