Chapter 42

WRITTEN IN THE STARS
42

CHRISTOPHER

I'm at the office right now and I can't even focus. I don't know how many cups of coffee I've had but they aren't helping. Is breaking up with her the solution? I don't know what's happening to me. I'm not running out of love for her but I just have this feeling that I need to let her go. Maybe we're just too much for each other, I don't understand what it is because I love this woman deeply.

I pack up my stuff and I walk out, I pass the reception area and head outside. I reach my car and jump in. I start the engine brining it to life as I drive off. I need my mother's advice on this. Maybe she'll be able to help me because now my head is spinning. I reach home and walk inside..

“Ma where are you?” I ask walking inside.

“In the kitchen Nkanyezi..” She says, I walk to the kitchen and she's standing by the stove cooking.

“What's wrong?” She asks, I heave a sigh and lean against the counter. My heart is pounding so fast.

“Nkanyezi..” She drops whatever she's doing and walks towards me, she glares at me.

“Now you're scaring me, what's wrong?” She asks, I hold my tears in.

“I want to break up with Sbani..” I say, she gasps.

“Haibo? why manje?” She asks handing me a glass of water, I sigh.

“I don't think Sbani is ready to be in a serious and committed relationship. She doesn't respect me, she does whatever she wants without caring how I feel. Me not retaliating gives her the power to speak over me. She doesn't hear me, she doesn't listen.. I just think it's best I end everything before I hurt myself further. She cares more about the friends who betrayed her more than her own partner, Ma I changed myself for Sbani and she's not changing her behavior towards our relationship. She thinks it's a joke and it's not, I'm very much invested in this relationship but she's not giving me the same energy.” I say wiping off the tears what were about to fall off.

She heaves a sigh and we stand there silent for a while, I've never loved a person this much but I don't think she wants this relationship as much as I do.

“I understand how you're feeling but in this case, you need to understand that Sbanisenkosi is just 25 years and she spent most of her time focusing on relationships that are full of dishonesty hence she never commited herself to anyone.” She says.

“But ma, I was also in situationships but with this relationship, I'm trying as much ss I can to love Sbanisenkosi the way she wants to be loved. Why can't she do that for me?” I ask her.

“At the end of the day, you're both adults and the decision is yours. I'm a witness of your love and to see it fade away just like that would be a very hurtful thing for me to witness as your mother and someone who's been spending so much time with her. I wish you sit down and talk about this..” She says, I heave a sigh.

“For my own peace and wellbeing, I think it's best we break up. I don't know where this breakup will lead us.” I say.

“Your choice but ensure that you attend all those doctors' appointments with her. She can't be alone in this time.” She says.

“What are you talking about?” I ask her.

“Don't mind me.” She says, I heave a sigh and walk out of the kitchen. I walk out of the house and head to my car, I jump in and drive off. I really hope whatever I'm doing can help the both of us, maybe she's a work in progress and she'll be better within time but now..I also need to work on myself instead of enduring whatever I'm feeling inside.

She decided to go to work today because she said she was gonna be bored at the house all day so I'm driving there. I get there after some time with my heart pounding insanely fast. I walk inside..

“Mr Biyela..” The receptionist says, I nod and walk past her. I walk to Sbani's door and knock before she allows me to walk in. I walk inside and she glares at me confused.

“I thought you'd be working..” She says, I shake my head and sit opposite to her.

“What's going on? weren't we gonna talk when I get home?” She asks.

“I'd like us to talk now..” I say glaring at her.

“O-okay..” She says, God give me the courage.

“I'm breaking up with you Sbanisenkosi..” I say as her face changes into a rather confused face.

“What?” She asks, I heave a sigh.

“I'm breaking up with you, the amount of love and affection I show towards you. You don't reciprocate it, you do love me and I know that but where's the respect Sbani?” I ask her, she places her hand across her chest before pulling her chair back.

“Wait, are you serious?” She asks.

“I'm very commited to this relationship Sbanisenkosi but what's the point of being commited to someone who doesn't even acknowledge your love and respect? someone who doesn't even respect you? I'm always the one to initiate conversations. You're just chilling in this relationship Sbani, it's a relationship not a chilling spot. I feel like I'm putting on the work by myself and you're just getting orgasms and being loved. What about me? do you care about me?” I ask her, I can see the tears filling her eyes.

“I do care about you Nkanyezi, why are you speaking like this?” She asks.

“I'm hurt but I can't cry like you, I love you so much Sbanisenkosi but I can't fill up your cup and leave mine unattended. I'm sorry but I seriously think a break up is the only solution right now.” I say, she blinks and her tears fall off.

“The issue here is not your friends, they're far from being the issue. A relationship is between two people who really want to build something and fulfill each other's needs. I don't feel like you're doing that, you don't listen or hear me out. You just..you disrespect me.” I say

“I've been trying Nkanyezi, trying to work on myself and trying to not get angry but I'm failing most of the times. Small things make me angry and I can't do certain stuff, I don't see myself when I'm doing something wrong but I am working on that. Why are you doing this?” She asks, I heave a sigh and wet my lips before glaring at her again.

“But I can't just pretend like I'm okay with some of the things you say to me or do. They hurt, you arrived at my house today and you couldn't even come upstairs so we can have a little talk? you just chilled downstairs and didn't even care how I was and how worried i was that you spent the night at the hospital supporting your whorə friend.” I say, she looks down and wipes more of her tears.

“You'll see yourself out.” She says getting up and rushing to the bathroom. She shuts the door and the only thing I can hear right now are her cries, I heave a sigh and stand up. I walk out and close the door.. that's it..