42

BURNING BLUE.
BY BELLA ROYALTY.
42.

[NTANDOKAZI NGEMA]
If there's anyone in this world that deserves to experience love, happiness and appreciation, it's definitely my man, ever since him and I started dating, I've always felt like I've been the main character in our story, everything has been about me and my ups and downs, and he's always had to come through for me and pull off the impossible to make me happy and I felt like I hadn't gotten a chance to really appreciate him.

So, this party was my way of letting him know that I love him, I care about him, his happiness and I appreciate him, that's why I couldn't settle for a regular room in a hotel although that would have been fine as well seeing that we hadn't seen each other in months, but I needed to pull off the impossible, and seeing him this happy, just warms my heart.

Like, you can genuinely tell that he wasn't expecting all of this, and he's so happy and that's all that matters for me.

Everyone around the table has had beautiful things to say about him and the ways that he's touched their lives and it was my turn.

Me: Uhm… you know what this year has taught me? This year has taught me that, everything happens for a reason, we may not understand the reasons but God knows best, he knows what we need and when we need it, he doesn't give us what we want but he gives us what we need.
Lethokuhle: Amen!
Sean: F**** That's deep!
Me: Sometimes we go through certain things, and we question his existence, we question his love, we question his intentions for us, and I think that's part of being a human, but the challenges that we go through are meant to prepare us for the people we are meant to be in the future, to be honest, I was one of those people that used to question his existence, question his love, and his intentions, as many of you may know, the past year hasn't been easy, I've went through stuff that I think, no one in my age is meant to go through and actually be able to stand on the other side and call themselves a survivor.

Shaka kissed my hand for assurance.
Me: A couple of months ago, I would have never had the courage to stand before you guys and share my story, share what I've been through because I think a part of me was ashamed, I feared people would judge me, I feared people wouldn't look at me the same way, they'd feel pity for me, I don't know maybe a part of me felt disgusted with myself and I thought if people knew my story they'd feel the same way, but I am not the same person I was a few months ago, I've had to work on myself and it hasn't been easy. I think… turning your pain into something positive is never easy, it's like having a wound that is painful, but then you recover and all that remains is a scar, you choose how you look at the scar, a scar could mean that you're alive and you've survived, but also, a scar could be a reminder of the pain you went through, you choose how you view it, and for the longest time, I used to look at the things that I've been through as a painful scar, but now, I look at them and think to myself, I survived what was meant to kill me and as much as I'd like to take all the credit so that I can appear as strong in front of you but… it is because of this guy, that I survived.

Shaka(emotional): Peach…
Me(smiles): It's the truth, I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you, God used you as his vessel to play an important role in my life and it took me a while to understand that, because for a while I was filled with nothing but rage, disgust, hopelessness, there was a point where I thought death is the only way I'd find peace and that was because every time I went through something, I'd take it as a sign of defeat, as a sign of pain, but guess who was there the entire time to pull me back to my feet? It was you.

Mom wiped her tears together with Aunt Mandisa.
Me: As everyone is aware, last year my parents went through a divorce and it was so unexpected that it left me questioning the meaning of love because I used to look at my parents and use them as my own manifestation, they were what I aspired to have in terms of a relationship, in terms of a marriage, but when they divorced, I didn't believe in love anymore, I didn't believe in the concept or act of it, I didn't believe in men in general, and it seemed as if everything event that occurred after my dad left, was just a series of more warnings and reasons why men were trash basically.

We laughed.
Me: I mean from the likes of Leano, arriving in Durban and being mugged by those guys, my encounter with Malume Sfiso, and then very recently, my encounter with Ty, all these experiences have one thing in common.
Them: Men!
Me: Exactly, and I was too blinded by rage to notice what I was being taught here, and that is Shaka was meant to come into my life and treat me better than all those men who were part of my painful experiences, he was my manifestation, from my parents, my father left my mother, guess what? Shaka promised to stay, Leano broke my trust and took advantage of me, Shaka promised to love me softly and never make me doubt his love and intentions for me, those guys mugged me and made me feel unsafe, Shaka promised to always protect me, Malume Sfiso wanted to use me for his own selfish reasons, Shaka promised to always put my feelings, dreams, aspirations first, Ty wanted me dead, Shaka risked his life life to save mine, like I don't know if you guys understand what I'm trying to say…

They nodded.
Me: So I am not going to stand here and say more than I have already said, but I hope the point that I was trying to send across did what it was meant to do, Shaka Manqoba Miya, my very own hero, my Ironman, my protector, my brother, I just want to say thank you, thank you for being the man that you are, obviously I cannot thank the man that you without giving my aunt credit.
Aunty Mandisa: Oh you just determined to make us all cry.

We laughed.
Me: It's true though, you and Malume Sfiso may have had your faults and flaws, maybe you didn't have pure intentions for me at first but I cannot take away the good parents that you were, Shaka is a living example of those excellent parenting skills, you raised him into this honorable, loving, selfless, caring, overprotective young man that he is, so all credits go to you as well.
Aunty Mandisa(crying): Thank you so much.
Me: But I mean, it all began with Mr Miya, he is the foundation, I can see it in Ndalo, Sbonelo and Thabiso, they all have this caring side, the overprotective side, the side that screams I'll do anything for the people who are dear to my heart.
Mr Miya(smiles): Thank you so much Ntando.

Me: They say that when a young man turns 21, he breaks away from the nest, he chooses his own path, his chooses his own family and friends and if Tumelo, Sean and Lungelo are anything to go by? They are 'ride or die'. Shaka chose his brothers, he chose his family and these people will die wherever he dies. They don't ask questions whenever he calls, they ask,'which car are we taking?'

Everyone laughed.
Me: You guys have never asked Shaka why, whenever he asked for you to help him come to my rescue, I mean Tumelo literally saved my life after shaka and I escaped that burning car, he refused to believe I wasn't breathing because I was dead, which is the same courtesy I wish Nonhlanhla had given Shaka when he was baby, Sean always comes with these fire clapbacks and revenge acts, Lungelo is always ready for action, you couldn't have picked better brothers Shaka, because all of you are the reason why I'm literally still alive.
Tumelo(smiles): You are family, Ntando.
Lungelo: Our pretty girl from Joburg.

We laughed.
Me: So to our birthday boy, I wish you nothing but peace, love, happiness, may all your dreams come true, may all your wishes come true, may you be rewarded for your heart, your bravery, your kindness and respect, and the same way God used you as his vessel to keep me alive, I hope God uses me as well as his vessel to bring you nothing but peace, love and happiness.

He wiped his tears and stood up.
Shaka: I think he has already done it baby!

We shared a tight hug.
Shaka: He has, Peach, he really has, you make me so happy, I know how to give and receive love because of you, I love you so much.
Me(smiles): I love you too.
Shaka: Through it all.
Me: Through it all.

We broke the hug and I wiped his tears, he looked at me with a smile.
Shaka: I am not going to lie, I wasn't expecting any of this today, I genuinely thought I had left you guys in Durban and I was coming to see my Peach that I haven't seen in months, I thought by now we'd be locked up in hotel making a baby that our parents were going to scold us for because to them we are still young.

We laughed.
Dad: Don't you even dare, I will kill you and forget you're a Zulu king.

We laughed.
Shaka: I think you should start sharpening your weapons.
Aunty Mandisa(laughs): Shaka!!

We laughed.
Dad: Are you trying to tell us something Shaka?
Shaka(laughs): I'm just saying, keep your weapons ready, you might have to use them soon or in the next 5 years, I don't know.

They laughed.
Shaka: At the end of the day, we are young, our blood is boiling, we are active, so yey…
Ndalo: Your blood is worse because you have a baby.
Shaka(laughs): You see.
Mom: I'm not ready to be a grandmother.
Me: That's good then, our baby will call you mom.

We laughed.
Shaka(smiles): I love you guys, I wouldn't trade this moment for anything, given a choice, I'd choose to meet the same people again.
Okuhle: That's sweet.
Shaka: Like Peach has mentioned, we believe that everything happens for a reason, sometimes we may not understand, but God knows best, all we have to do is to trust in him and his methods, for a while I never understood why God would choose to make me fall and not just with anybody but fall in love with my own cousin knowing how disruptive that would be, but that man knew exactly what he was doing.

We laughed.
Lethokuhle(smiles): And all you had to do was trust in him.
Shaka(laughs): Exactly, before I met Peach I was a player, oh I was a bad person, broke a lot of hearts, crushed a lot of dreams, opened a lot of legs…

Everyone laughed.
Shaka: At some point I thought I was in love, I made some mistakes, and those mistakes recently came to bite me in my ass.

He said looking at me, he was talking about Snethemba and how their daughter was conceived and everything that Snethemba has been saying about me online.
Shaka: Peach saved me as much as I saved her, everything I know about love now, she taught me, Love didn't exist in my vocabulary until I laid my eyes on her, she likes acting like she didn't tame the beast, everyone in this table knows, you did baby, you picked me up from the streets and gave me a chance, because of the way you loved me, I was motivated to be a better man, you say I came into your life for a reason, well you sure did as well, because you led my mother and I to the truth, you single handedly reunited a whole family, healed them, gave them a second chance at love, I mean… look at how happy my parents are.

We all laughed.
Shaka: Look at how happy my siblings and I are, I gained a father, they gained a mother and it is all because you.
Me(laughs): I mean… thanks to that panic attack.
Ndalo: Thank God for that panic attack!

We laughed.
Shaka: I may never understand why it took so long for us to get to the truth, but I trust in God's plan, he knows best and from now onwards, I will never doubt him, what makes me happy is that, during those moments where I doubt myself, I won't be alone, I will be surrounded by you guys, my family, I love you so much and thank you for being a part of my life, and for making my day so special, now there's a lot I'd like to say to my baby over here, but out of respect for everyone, I'll save that conversation for her ears because some of the thing won't be PG rated.

We laughed.
Shaka: But yeah, she knows.
Sean: She knows!

__________
The time is around 11, close to crossover hour and the elders have returned to their own cabin, by elders I mean my mother, my father and his wife, Mr Miya and Aunty Mandisa, Lethokuhle and Sabelo her husband, they took the little kids as well, the twins, Smiso, Siyamthanda.

We have decided to have a braai while we wait for the countdown, so the guys are busy with the meat, we have just finished the salads, we are currently gearing up to chill in the Jacuzzi and have some drinks over some good music.

Everyone had changed except for me because I was going up and down making sure everything was perfect.

Okuhle: Sis come and join us, you've been on your feet for the whole day.
Me(smiles): I'm coming, I want to change this dress and put on some shorts and a bikini top.
Olwethu: Okay.

I went to Tumelo.
Tumelo(smiles): Pretty girl from Joburg, today turned out perfectly.
Me(smiles): It did, didn't it?
Tumelo: Never seen my boy so happy.

We looked at him, they were taking pictures next to the Autobot cars in the lawn.
Me: And that's all that matters, he deserves all the happiness the world has to offer.
Tumelo: And what happens to the rest of us?

We laughed.
Me: You wouldn't know happiness even if it slapped you in the face Tumelo.
Tumelo(laughs): Ouch!
Me: My sister likes you.
Tumelo: What?
Me: You sound surprised.
Tumelo: I mean I am, I didn't think she liked me too.
Me(smiles): Oh, so you like her too?
Tumelo: I mean… the fact that you guys are related and kind of look alike, I didn't want to be labeled as weird, like I'm settling for her because I couldn't have you or something.
Me: Yeah that makes sense, I also remember a time where I was labeled weird for being with you because I couldn't get Shaka, and I remember labeling Shaka as weird because he settled for me because he couldn't get Snethemba.

We laughed.
Tumelo: Okay I get your point, so I can shoot my shot?
Me: You have my blessing, not that you needed it anyway.

He laughed as I walked away, I went to my man, as I walked closer to him, I could tell that he was wasted, the funny part is that as soon as he saw me coming he was trying to pull himself together.
Me(laughs): What are you doing?
Shala(laughs): Eish, I was trying to not act drunk.
Me(laughs): Why would you do that sthandwa Sami? It's the 31st and in a couple of minutes, it'll be your birthday, so…
Shaka(smiles): You're the best girlfriend in the whole wide world.
Me; Because I let you get drunk on your birthday?
Shaka(laughs): Because you make me happy.
Me(smiles): Is that so?
Shaka: Yes baby I feel like shouting it.
Me(laughs): Please do, I need to record this.

I took out my phone, my God he was so drunk.
Shaka(singing): Would you believe me if I said I'm in love?
Baby, I want you to want me
Would you believe me if I said I'm in love?
Baby, I want ya
And we are, we are, we are
Got me up all night
And we are, we are, we are
All I'm singin' is love songs
And we are, we are, we are
Got me up all night
And we are, we are, we are
And we are, we are, we are

Me(shocked): What? Babe what was that? That voice? Excuse me sir???

He stood in front of me and bit his lower lip while caressing my face.
Shaka: Ngiyakuthanda.
Me(smiles): I know baby, I love you too.

He kissed me, slowly and intentional, the rain decided to bless us, it always rains on the 31st, I don't know why.
Shaka(smiles): God is crying, he wishes he were me.
Me(laughs): I can't deal with you!
Shaka(chuckles): For real, what's with the tears?
Me; He's happy for us to a point where he can't hold his tears.

He laughed.
Shaka: I guess so, let's get back to the others, we are close to the countdown.
Me: I wanted to change actually, I want to get in the Jacuzzi.
Shaka(smiles): You wanted me to accompany you?Do you trust me around you?
Me(laughs): You wouldn't do anything to me that I wouldn't like, Prime.

That seemed to tickle his bones as he pulled my hand, leading me inside the house.
Shala: Oh I love you Peach!!

I laughed as we climbed the stairs, the time was 23:45 so I had to be quick, I had a surprise planned for him at exactly 00:00.

Me: Please get the door for me baby.
Shaka: Okay.

I made a video as he opened the door and we walked in.
Shaka(gasps): Baby!!
Me: I thought we'd only come up here after 12, and you'd see this but since we've already started celebrating your day early, what the heck!

He had his hands covering his face.
Me(smiles): Baby.
Shaka: Peach, no!
Me: Happy birthday.
Shaka(emotional): I need a moment.

I smiled and stopped recording, he sat on the bed and buried his face on his hands, I decided to give him a moment, I went through my bag and found a bikini set and wore it, I checked the time again, 23:54.

Me: Baby.
Shaka: I don't even know what to say.
Me: Just a 'thank you' would be fine, I mean we aren't sure if you'll even like what's in the boxes anyway.
Shaka(smiles): It could be a pair of socks for all I care, but it'll be coming from you and that's all that matters, ngiyabonga sthandwa sami.(Thank you, my love)
Me: It's a pleasure, it's nothing much really, a watch, these cool character tshirts I know you have a collection of them, some sneakers since you're a sneaker head, a bottle of your favorite whiskey, your favorite cologne, and a tie for your graduation.

He kissed my lips.
Shaka: On top of what you've just done? Throwing me a whole surprise birthday party?
Me(smiles): I would have bought you a car but I'm broke so…

We laughed.
Shaka: I'm the one who's buying you a car first.
Me(laughs): Hopefully next year I'll get you a proper Meaningful gift.
Shaka: Peach, I love these, you took your time, spent your hard earned money to get me these, I love them and I will rock them with pride, yoh sthandwa sami, nobody has ever done this for me.
Me: You've never been in a relationship before, this is what people in a relationship do for each other baby, they spoil each other.
Shaka(smiles): I love everything about this day, I love every single thing
Me(smiles): I'm glad you are happy, baby that's all that matters to me.
Shaka: And I love you.

He kissed my lips.
Me: It's time, we have to go downstairs.
Shaka: Or we can just cross over to the next year in each other's arms? Lips locked, me deep inside of you?
Me(smiles): Sounds tempting, but I have a couple of more gifts for you sir, asambe.(let's bounce)
Shaka: More?
Me: Yes!!

We got out and went downstairs, we joined everyone, the kids and elders were here as well the kids had their fireworks.
Sean: It is time!!

"10, 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

We all shouted and Shaka and I shared a kiss as the fireworks danced in the sky. We were disturbed by everyone screaming and we looked at the sky, a helicopter carrying a billboard banner written "HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY, SHAKA." flew right above us, it was so beautiful, and so bright!

Everyone was taking videos, Shaka gave me a tight hug.
Me: Happy New year and Happy Birthday sthandwa sami, to more of these moments together.
Shaka(smiles): May this year be a lot kinder to us.
Me(smiles): I believe it will.
Shaka: I love you.
Me: I love you more.

[SNETHEMBA NGWAZI]
So at home, they don't really care about the 31st of December mainly because of who my father is, he doesn't drink, he doesn't like noise, so normally we have dinner and after dinner we head out to celebrate the new year somewhere else, unfortunately I couldn't go anywhere tonight because mom refused to stay with Snakho for me, she said it's her night with my father and she didn't want to be disturbed.

So here I am with my daughter in my bedroom, watching Fact Durban Rocks on TV, this better be the last time that I'm spending my days like this, I mean I'm only 23 years old for heaven sake, I should be out there with other kids having a great time, I should have listened to Lusanele when she suggested that I should terminate the pregnancy because let's be honest, I was never ready for a child and the fact that I didn't know for sure who was the father of my child didn't make the situation better.

Out of the three guys I suspected, I knew two of them didn't even feel anything for me, what we had with them was purely sexual and I prayed that the child would at least be Prime's child because at least he had feelings for me, we could make it work and be a family because I grew up in a house where I was raised by both parents and I wanted that for my child.

So you can imagine how gutted I was when my prayers came true only to be shattered by a girl named Ntandokazi Ngema. I went to introduce my daughter to her father with the sole purpose of getting my family back.

I believe that in order for the relationship to work, the guy has to be the one who's head over hills in love with the girl and Prime was in love with me, we could have made it work, me, him and our daughter.

This year was meant to be different, today I should have been crossing over to the new year with my little family but here I am, alone while the father of my child is out there living his best life in Joburg, again tell me when is Mkhulu's stuff going to start working? it's been more than a week!

I was disturbed by my phone ringing and it was Lusanele.
Me: Hey babes.
Lusanele: Hey bestie!
Me: Well, you're drunk?
Lusanele(laughs): It's the 31st of December! Why the hell would I be sober? Phuma sihambe!(Come let's go and have fun)
Me: Anele some of us are mothers.
Lusanele: That baby has 3 mothers Snethemba, make her bottle and then sneak her into one of your mothers rooms, you'll plead your case in the morning, you deserve to have a great time as well.
Me: You know what? You're right! Are you close by?
Lusanele: Yes I am, Langa is driving we can be there in 8 minutes.
Me: Okay I'll be ready.
Lusanele: Sharp.

I dropped the call.
Me: Sorry princess, mom has somewhere else to be, the streets are calling.

I made her bottles and then packed her nappies, wipes and change of clothes, I took her to Mam' Nomfundo's house, I knocked on Ntombenhle's room.
Ntombenhle: Sneh?
Me: Please watch over Snakho for me.
Ntombenhle: What? Where are you going?
Me: Ngiyabuya! (I will be back!)

I rushed out because I could hear Lusanele's car blasting with music and that was going to wake everyone in this yard. I snuck out of the gate.
Lusanele(screaming): My bestie!
Me(laughs): You started drinking without me? I hate you!
Lusanele: Get in loser! Asambe babe!(let's go babe)
Me: Hi, Langa
Langa: Hi Sneh.

Lusanele handed me a savanna cider and Langa drove off, the drive all the way to the club was a vibe, Lusanele is always a vibe when she's drunk, by the time we arrived at the club, I had finished two ciders of savanna and you know savanna guys, it doesn't waste time, it gets straight to the point.

Langa led us to his friends inside the club, the club was full, there was not even a space to breathe but I'd rather be here than anywhere else, we were dancing, we were drinking, we were singing along.

As I was dancing with one of Langa's friends, Sipho, I felt someone roughly grab my arm.
Me(annoyed): What the hell?
Zolani: Sneh.
Me: Oh it's you, what do you want?
Zolani: We have to talk.
Me: We dont have to talk about anything! Leave me alone Zolani!
Sipho: Is there a problem here?
Zolani: Mjita! I'm talking to my woman.
Sipho: Is he your man?
Me: He is my ex.
Zolani: So this is what you do? You sleep with a person and then dump them?
Me: I cant hear you.

I continued dancing but he held my hand again and I was so pissed.
Me(gritted teeth): Leave me alone!

Some girl joined us and she did not look pleased.
Girl: And then who's this b**** handsome?
Zolani: Awume man nawe!(Can you not?)
Me: I know you did not just call me a b**** with your crooked teeth!
Girl: And if I did? Uzokwenzani?(What will you do?)
Me: Girl you don't want to start something with me.

She threw her drink at my face, making me wet, I threw a punch at her face and Zolani tried to separate us, Lusanele and her boyfriend Langa also intervened, Lusanele held my hand and led me outside.
Me: That b****!!!
Lusanele: What the hell is wrong with you? You start fights in clubs now?

I wiped the alcohol on my face but my face started itching.
Me: This b**** better not have poured me with her urine, why is my face itchy all of a sudden? I need to wash it.
Lusanele: Let's go to the bathroom.

We went to the bathroom, while she went inside the pod, I washed my face on the sink, but my face was still itching, to a point where I felt like scratching it.
Me: What the hell did she pour on me?

My face was getting swollen and red, like I was having an allergy reaction.
Lusanele: How's your face now?
Me(crying): Lusanele, it's so itchy!!
Lusanele: What? Stop scratching yourself!
Me(crying): I cannot help it!!

It felt like it was on fire, no matter how many times I washed it with cold water, the itchiness, the burning wasn't stopping, and I tried to scratch myself.
Lusanele(shocked): Oh my God Snethemba!!
Me(crying): Yini???(What?)
Lusanele: You're bleeding! Stop scratching yourself! We need to get you to the hospital! This is bad!!
Me(crying): Lusanele what is happening to my face???
Lusanele: I'm coming back!!

She rushed out and I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked like I had been beaten or stung by a swarm of bees, I screamed out loud, feeling my eyelids getting heavy not in a way that I was sleepy, but in a way that I was swollen, my lips we worse and something kept telling me to scratch my face and there was blood everywhere!

Me(screaming): Lusanele!!! Oh my God!!!!

At that moment the music died down and all I could hear was "10, 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!" and the deafening sound of fireworks, I just laid on the cold floor suffering, my skin feeling like it was peeling off.

"Foolish girl!"

I looked up and saw uMkhulu, how? How is he here?
Me(crying): Mkhulu please help me!! My face! My skin! I feel like it's peeling off, there's so much blood!
Mkhulu: I told you to bring a piece of her clothing and you brought me your own clothes!
Me(crying): What? You mean this is happening because—

I got up and looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn't believe it, no, how is that even possible!
Me(screaming in pain): Mkhulu you have to—

I turned around and he was gone.
Me(hysterical): No, no, no!!!! No!!!!

Where the hell was Lusanele?? I stumbled out of the bathroom and followed the noise, I reached the club and I screamed for help but nobody cared there was so much music playing.

Me(crying): Somebody please help me!!! Lusanele!!!