CH05

BURNING BLUE.
BY BELLA ROYALTY.
05.

[NTANDOKAZI NGEMA]
I couldn't sleep so I was just lost in my own world, listening to music when the door was slightly opened. I checked the time, 22:45pm, and I took out my airpods.

Me: Shaka? I thought you were in Joburg?
Shaka: I've just returned.
Me: How… How did it go?
Shaka(smiles): Leano will never hurt another girl ever again.
Me: He is still alive though?
Shaka: As per your request.
Me: Thank you Shaka, I don't know how I could ever repay you, ever since I got here, you've been really good to me, supportive…I really appreciate you.

He smiled and walked to the side of the bed and sat next to me.
Shaka: It's no problem, now you have to move on, it won't be easy, but take your time okay?
Me(smiles): Thank you.
Shaka: And not all guys are like Leano okay?

I nodded.
Me: I know you don't like hugs, but can I give you a hug?
Shaka: Better yet, let's cuddle.
Me(nervously): Oh…uhm that's fine as well.
Shaka: I want to see what's the fuss with cuddling anyway.

I laughed a little as he spooned me.

'Don't think too much about it Ntando, siblings cuddle all the time'

But Goddamnit, having him hold me like this, so close…was doing ungodly things to me.

Shaka: I've often seen people cuddling this way, turn around.

I turned around, I laid my head on his arm and I avoided his eyes.
Shaka: Are you scared of me?
Me(swallows): No, you're my big brother.
Shaka: I'm not sure if big brothers are supposed to feel the way I feel about you though, I think it's an incest type of thing.
Me: H-how do you feel about me?
Shaka: I think you know, it's the same way you feel about me.

I cleared my throat.
Me(low voice): Shaka…
Shaka: Look at me.

I shook my head and continued looking anywhere but at his face.

Shaka: Please.

I couldn't, so he lifted my chin up and we locked eyes as he licked his lower lip.
Me: Shaka…
Shaka: I just want to show you how you're supposed to be kissed, that's all, I think it's better if you're being shown by me, your big brother.

He leaned in slowly for a kiss and our lips met, my heart was drumming through my ears, his breath was a mixture of mint and nicotine, intoxicating.

I closed my eyes as I decided to surrender to temptation, everything in me knew this was wrong but it felt so right, there was no 20 litre worth of saliva or teeth grazing my lips, it was just pure bliss, everything in me lit up, nobody has kissed me like this before, my hand was on his chest as he deepened the kiss, I couldn't help but whimper in response, his other free hand was on my back caressing me in a very soft and delicate way.

The kiss was slow and passionate like he was telling me something through it. Without breaking the kiss, he got up, took off his leather jacket and got on top of me, in between my thighs, his hands were on either sides of them, I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer.

He took off his shirt and looked at me for a while.
Me(whispering): We shouldn't be doing this Shaka, we are related.
Shaka: Last time I checked I was a Zwane and you were a Ngema.
Me: Our mothers are…
Shaka: My mother is a Mseleku and yours?

I swallowed looking down.
Shaka: Nothing a goat can't fix, baby.
Me; But—

He kissed me with his hands roaming under my PJ top.

He suddenly grazed my lips during the kiss and my mouth was filled with his saliva, the cologne changed it was like….

I pulled out of the kiss and looked at him.
Me(crying): Leano…
Leano: Hey baby.
Me(shaking my head): No, no, no you're in Joburg, this is not…

I screamed, fighting him off me, the lights went on.

"Ntando, Ntando baby it's just a dream!" I looked around, I was in my room, dripping in sweat, breathing heavily, Aunty Mandisa was here.

I started crying, that was a terrible nightmare, why would I dream about something like this? Aunty Mandisa was so confused, she gave me a tight hug while brushing my back as I continued crying.

Aunty Mandisa: It's okay sthandwa sami, it's okay, I'm not going anywhere.

I finally calmed down.
Aunty Mandisa: Do you want to talk about it?
Me: I don't remember what it was about, but it was scary Aunty.
Aunty Mandisa: You have PTSD.
Me: But I'm attending therapy.
Aunty Mandisa: I know, we process these things differently.
Me: That was scary, I want to sleep in the living room with the TV playing.
Aunty Mandisa: Are you sure? I can sleep here with you?
Me: It's okay Aunty.

We got up from the bed and I grabbed a blanket and we went downstairs, she turned the TV on, on low volume, I slept on the couch, I pretended to be asleep and she left after she thought I was sleeping.

I exhaled.
Me: That was crazy!

This is going too far now, I'm even dreaming of Shaka and I doing despicable things we shouldn't be doing, I don't even know why Leano thought it would be best if he showed his face during that encounter.

I felt so dirty all of a sudden, the blanket smelled of him, I got up and went back to my bedroom and stripped naked, getting in the shower, scrubbing his scent off me while crying.

After I was done I went back to the living room and just sat there. I couldn't sleep anymore. I contemplated on calling Shaka, hearing his voice would heal me right now. I checked the time and it was 23:00.

I called him nonetheless, it rang till it reached voicemail.
Shaka: You've reached King Shaka, you know what to do!

Me: Hi, uhm… I couldn't sleep and I thought of calling you for some reason even though it's witch hour and you're probably asleep, I had a nightmare, about him, I had to go take a shower and scrub his scent off me, I don't know what's happening Shaka, I thought I was getting okay, I hadn't had a nightmare about him in days, why, why am seeing him in my dreams again? Why would Leano appear in my dreams?

I wiped my tears and dropped the call and exhaled.
Me(whispering): Damnit!

I was actually stressed out, the visit to the doctor yielded no results, I was told to return after I've had my periods, it was too early to tell, my periods are due in 3 days, so after I've had them…or not, will it be determined if I'm pregnant or not.

The HIV tests came out negative but I'll have to take another test soon and every 3 months after that.

I was so down when we left the doctor's office, he just drove me back home, we didn't go to his friends, when he was leaving for Joburg, he texted me.

I think more than anything, the reason why I had a nightmare about Leano is because I went to bed thinking about him, wondering if I was doing a good thing by letting Shaka deal with him, I know he hurt me but I'm not a vengeful person, I don't believe in wrong rights a wrong.

At some point I wanted to call Shaka and ask him to come back and let Karma deal with Leano.

[SHAKA 'PRIME' ZWANE]
When we got to Joburg earlier, we booked ourselves into a hotel and tracked down Lerato and Leano. Two of us went to get Leano and the other two went to get Lerato.

Tumelo and I got Leano at his uncle's house, he was in the backroom that I assume that's where he took my cousin's innocence, since Tumelo is originally from Joburg, he was familiar with the place, he even knew where to get someone who would be at our service tonight.

We rented two of them, one who is attracted to men and the other who is attracted to women. We took them somewhere secluded.

After Lungelo tied up Leano, I pulled the tape on his mouth and he screamed in agony, we had Squidgame masks on our faces the entire time.

Me: Hi.
Leano: Who the hell are you? What the hell is going on? Is that…is that my sister? Yoh, what the fuck!!

I pulled out my phone and showed him Ntandokazi's picture.
Me: You know her?
Leano: Yes, yes she's… my girlfriend?
Me: Was.
Leano: We never broke up, what's this about?
Me: You ràped her.
Leano: What? That's absurd! Is that what she told you? Is that why you're here? Man, tell me how can I rápe my own girlfriend? Does that even make sense to you?

I chuckled, he laughed, so is this a joke to him? He thinks this is funny? I punched him hard on the jaw, he toppled over with the chair and cried in anguish, Sean sat him back up, he lost his two front teeth, my hand actually hurt after that punch, but pain is temporary losing teeth isn't.

Me: Funny guy aren't you?
Leano: Mfethu, please don't do this, I swear to you I never—

I punched him again.
Leano(groans): I am telling the truth—

I kicked him multiple times on the ribs and he laid there crying, unable to even move because he was tied to the chair. I pressed my foot on his cheek painfully.

Me: You think this is a joke don't you? Why the hell would a beautiful girl like Ntando speak lies about you and say you assaulted her? What the hell would she gain by saying that?
Leano(crying): Mfethu I don't know…but I—

I kicked him on the face and he vomited blood.
Me: Listen to this.

I played the voicemail.

"Hi, uhm… I couldn't sleep and I thought of calling you for some reason even though it's witch hour and you're probably asleep, I had a nightmare, about him, I had to go take a shower and scrub his scent off me, I don't know what's happening Shaka, I thought I was getting okay, I hadn't had a nightmare about him in days, why, why am seeing him in my dreams again? Why is Leano still in my dreams?"

Me: Do you hear that? That's my cousin, my baby Sis, a beautiful, innocent bubbly girl that you've killed alive with your senseless act of assault, look man to man, I get it, I know how frustrating it is to be with a hot girl that everyone wants and you aren't even smashing yet, it's frustrating, worse wena you could tell she wasn't that much into you, she hated the way you kissed her, the way you even fingered her, you felt like if she came to Durban, She'd meet guys like us who can make a girl wet without any form intimacy, I get that, but you didn't have to drug her, blackmail her into spending the night at your place and then force yourself on her!

Leano(crying): I'm so sorry.
Tumelo: Now you agree that you assaulted her?
Leano: I—

I signaled that they should let the first guy in.
Me: Eish there's that bible verse that goes "Do unto others as you would want done to you." Something along those lines, I'm not really that religious but you get my point, if you're going to assault someone's sister, cousin, daughter, niece, you better be absolutely sure that you yourself, don't have a daughter, a sister, a niece as well because you know Karma? Very savage that witch!

He tried to move, alerted.
Leano: No, no, no please, please…
Sean: Son, it's a tad bit late for that, you should have not done what you did on another girl when you have a sister that you wouldn't want to go through the same trauma.
Leano: Please don't do this gents, I'll do anything, I will hand myself over to the police, I will confess what I did please don't hurt my sister.
Me: An eye for an eye, I'm currently going through a lot right now, feeling helpless, I want to help her forget, I want to be there for her, do you know what that feels like? Of course you don't.
Lungelo: For now.
Me: She explained what you did to her, word for word, I felt like I was in the room, I pictured it, I heard her pleas, I heard her screams, I saw her trying to push you off her to no avail, you are also going to watch.

I looked at Tumelo.
Tumelo: She likes it rough.

He told the guy, Sean splashed water on her, to wake her up, she screamed, we had blindfolded her.
Leano(crying): Please don't do this, please dont this, I am begging you! Kill me instead!
Lerato: Leano?

The muscle guy laid her down and she tried to fight screaming and kicking, we looked the other way as he had his way with her, her screams echoing in the whole building.

The encounter went on for about 15 minutes before Sean stopped the guy, I crouched in front of Leano.
Me: Did you hear those screams? Do you remember hearing them? Do you remember hearing those pleas?
Leano(crying): I do!
Me: You locked her up for two days! Two days! Breaking her!
Leano(crying): I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!!
Me: How does it feel?

He just cried and I beat him up.
Me: How does it fuckin' feel? You could have cheated if it was about sex! But it was never about sex was it? It was an entitlement! You wanted to brag to your friends and colleagues about how you smashed Ntandokazi Ngema, the content creator right? Was it worth it?

Tumelo brought the other guy in
Leano: No, no please she's had enough, look at her she's passed out!
Me: Oh this one is for you buddy! You've never had anal sex have you?

He looked at me terrified.
Me(smiles): Perfect, azishe, have no mercy on him, he's a ràpist!

We walked out and we heard Leano screaming for his life. I took out a cigarette and had a puff outside as the cold air hit my face. I kept checking the time.

The screaming went on for 20 minutes before we went back in, there was blood everywhere, the guy got up and fixed himself, Sean handed them an envelope each and thanked them.

Me: Hey buddy, don't die on me now, we aren't done!

He tried to speak but no words were coming out, they came out as a whisper.

Me: I made a promise.

He was already butt naked, I took out my pocket knife, very sharp by the way and knelt in front of him, the look he was giving me? Trying to move away.

I grabbed his shaft, such a shame, if he had the skill, I assume he made a lot of girls happy, I can imagine something this huge, forcefully penetrating a virgin? Not even gently? My cousin suffered.

Me: Relax, I'm not going to chop off the whole thing, you're still going to satisfy a lot of women however I'll reduce it with about two inches, everytime you take it out, you'll be reminded of the two inches that was cut off because you violated someone.

I wore a plastic glove while Sean and Lungelo held him tight.
Me: If you keep wiggling yourself I might cut the wrong vein and you'll die, I'm not an expert in giving someone a circumcision.

I counted the inches and then chopped it off, his screams filled the whole room, blood was oozing out of him, I even caught it on my shirt.

Me: Sies man!

I wiped the blood off my knife on his hoodie.

Me: You chose the wrong girl to violate san! Let's go.

I needed to get to the hotel and take a bath, I felt disgusted with myself.
Lungelo: I need alcohol.
Sean: You and me both.

_____

We landed around 11am and requested a cab, we dropped Sean first, then Lungelo and it was just Tumelo and I.
Tumelo: You good?
Me: Yeah I'm good bro.
Tumelo: No, you're not, wanna talk about it?

I exhaled.
Me: I think my cousin has a crush on me.

He looked at me stunned.
Tumelo: Dude! Isn't she going through the worst right now?
Me: That's why I said I think, I could be wrong, she could just be confused, after all I'm the first guy she's been around since that ordeal with that scumbag, she could be confusing my kindness and compassion towards her with something else.
Tumelo: Wait, Wait…how do you know she has a crush on you?

Me: From the way she looks at me, and then when she told me what happened in Joburg at my apartment, she gave me this weird look, when I gave her a forehead kiss, she had her eyes closed as if she was expecting a kiss or something, earlier today, she blurted out of nowhere a personal question, like do I have a girlfriend, like bro… I've been around, I know when someone is looking at me differently.

He exhaled.
Tumelo: That's fucked up, I think she's just a bit confused dawg, don't think too much about it.
Me: It's making me uncomfortable and I enjoy being around her, I think she's cool but the way she keeps looking at me ay…I think I'll have to distance myself from her a little bit.
Tumelo: That might help, don't sleep at home, be casual as well at school. Eventually she will get over whatever this is she's feeling for you.
Me: You think so?
Tumelo: I hope so.
Me: How do you even have a crush on someone who's like a brother to you? That's just weird.

We laughed.
Me: I mean don't get me wrong, I'd fall for me too—
Tumelo(laughs): Here we go again!
Me(chuckles): Tumz we both know I am that guy.

We laughed.
Me: But she's not supposed to be looking at me that way.
Tumelo: I mean she's a Ngema you're a Zwane, her mother is a Cele and your mother is a Mseleku, the only common denominator here is the grandma, who is a Ngwazi, we can buy a goat and ask for forgiveness and move on.

He did not just—
Me: You did not just say that!
Tumelo: I've seen it happen bro.
Me: No! Eeuw!

He laughed.
Me: No way! I literally do not see her that way, I mean yeah sure she's beautiful, she's hot, she's cool but eeuw man Tumelo! If she's that hot then ask her out and make her forget about me, this will tear the family apart man, mom has just recently reunited with her sister, we don't need drama okay?

Tumelo: So you wouldn't mind me asking her out?
Me: As long as you don't force yourself on her, she might not be willing to give up the cake soon because of what she's been through but I'd prefer you than anyone else because you of all people know what I'm capable of should you break her heart.

He nodded.
Me: I'd bury you alive, literally.
Tumelo: I know.
Me: Yoh imagine! No man, Ntando really needs to get it together otherwise I'll start acting like a douchebag towards her so that she hates me, I'd rather she hates me than love me. What vibes did I give her that suggested that I'd get down like that?
Tumelo: You were too kind to her, you caressed her cheek, looked into her eyes, gave her forehead kisses, probably held her hand as well, hugged her.
Me: Oh wow! She's my little sister! I was being nice!

This is messed up.
Me: I treat my little twin sisters the same way because I believe they should know from an early age how a woman should be treated.
Tumelo: Ntando is not a little sister like the twins, siblings your age, usually don't get along, they fight a lot, they barely hug because 'eeuw I don't want your boobs squashed on my chest' type of vibe.
Me: Never again!