CH18

BURNING BLUE.
BY BELLA ROYALTY.
18

[SHAKA 'PRIME' ZWANE]
Peach and I were driving to the hospital, mom called us around 10am, to let us know about dad's accident. Luckily, when I decided to go and fetch Peach in the Eastern Cape, I took her passport with me so we were able to get onto the next available flight back to Durban.

We had to request a cab from the airport back home so that we could leave the suitcase and bags and then take one of the cars to the hospital, we decided to take my car and Peach was quiet the entire time, she didn't want to see my father and I understood but she had to show face, she wanted to comfort my mom, honestly Peach has one of the biggest hearts, if someone did that to me, I wouldn't even be able to pretend I'm sad that he was in an accident.

Me: Baby.

I snapped her out of her thoughts by placing my hand on her thigh, she placed hers on top of mine.

Me: You okay?
Ntando: Yeah, I'm okay baby, are you?
Me(smiles): I'm good baby, you just seem deep in thought.
Ntando(exhales): I'm sorry, it's nothing to worry about.
Me: You'd tell me right?
Ntando(smiles): Of course.
Me: Anyway I've been meaning to ask, that day we uhm… we didn't use protection, so…
Ntando(laughs): You're worried days later?

Me(laughs): Babe it's been kind of hectic the past couple of days, we went from admitting our feelings to each other, to making love, to breaking up, to fixing things again, it's been hectic baby.
Ntando: Yeah I know, but don't worry I'm on birth control, got it immediately after I was told the termination procedure was a success, I didn't want to take anymore risks even if I had no intentions of being intimate with anyone.
Me: Oh? Is that so?

She laughed.
Ntando: You almost thought you were going to be a father?
Me(smiles): I mean… it wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Ntando: In a way, but we aren't ready for that kind of responsibility, well on my side I know I'm not, I'd like to get a degree first and chase that paper and then start a family.
Me: Right, sorry for thinking selfishly, baby
.
Ntando: No, it's okay, can we just enjoy what we have, we are still young and we still have to fight for each other when the family finds out and a baby will just complicate things further and besides, not every relationship has to have a child involved.

I nodded, that made sense actually, some people are trying to trap me with kids and she's trying not to have one, smart.
Me: So are you okay with us not using protection?
Ntando: That was a one time thing.
Me(laughs): Maye! Bold of you to assume I'll be going back to the rubber after I went in bare.

We laughed.
Ntando: Shaka you're a player.
Me: I don't even remember when was the last time I slept with anybody, it was months ago.
Ntando: Still, I think we should test first and make it a regular thing.
Me: I'm fine with that, so no rubber?

She looked at me with a smile and just shook her head.
Me: Anyway, your birthday is coming up, the plan was a surprise 19th birthday party but I don't think that's going to happen now that Mr Zwane is currently in the hospital, so what would you want your man to do for you on your special day?
Ntando: My man should figure it out on his own.
Me: Babe, I have never had a girlfriend before, I don't know these things, I'll honestly just sex you all day and all night.

We laughed.
Me: Seriously, my divk will be the present, I'll buy new accessories, wrap it in a bow and serve it to you however you like it.
Ntando(laughs): Wow!
Me: Girls do that, when it's a guy's birthday they'll post you on social media, buy sexy lingerie and serve you coochie all night, that will be your present, same old coochie but when it's a girl's birthday, we are expected to get y'all cars, jewellery, trips to the Maldives or something.

She laughed.
Ntando: Because you're providers baby!
Me: Ay, in this relationship we don't do that.
Ntando: Weeeh kazi bengiyaphi moyongcwele!

I laughed.
Me: Ngiyadlala baby, serve me coochie on my birthday, wrap it up in a bow, it'll still be the highlight of my day.
Ntando(laughs): I bet.
Me; But seriously baby, what do you want for your birthday?
Ntando: First option.
Me(chuckles): You want me to divk you up all day and night?
Ntando: Yeah, I've been through a lot, I need it, I heard it heals as well.

We laughed.
Me: It definitely does babe, I can organize a trip for us, our friends and us, book a guest house, we can all just have a great time.
Ntando: But then we would have to act as cousins.
Me: Have to?
Ntando: Ha.a babe.
Me: I can control my friends.
Ntando: Well I don't know if I can control mine yet, I'm not ready to be judged, everybody was under the impression that I was with Tumelo and now I'm with my cousin? That's… nope.
Me: You're ashamed of our love?
Ntando: I'm not ashamed of our love, it's just… it's too soon and I don't want to be explaining anything to anyone.
Me: So even at school, we are still going to keep up with appearances? At home and at school? I get at home, but at school as well?
Ntando: Babe, can't we just enjoy what we have ourselves, make sure we cement it, before we involve the world?

I exhaled as we parked.
Me: Do whatever you want Peach, it's your show anyway.
Ntando: Babe don't say that, it's too early for us to—

I got out of the car and she got out as well.
Me: I'm done with this conversation.
Ntando; But Shaka..
Me: Shaka? Wow, that was fast.

I went inside and she followed me, we spotted mom and she flung her arms around me.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Mom: I don't know Shaka, the doctors haven't said anything apparently your father was shot 5 times, something about his hand also being chopped off!
Me: What? What the hell happened kanti? Wasn't dad supposed to be at work?
Mom: He was but he forgot some files at home and he was going to fetch them and these guys jumped him, I don't know Shaka, I don't know what happened.
Ntando: Here comes the doctor.
Mom(smiles): Hey baby.

They shared a hug as the doctor reached us.
Mom: Doctor, please… tell me my husband is alive?
Doctor: He is alive.
Mom (sobbing): Oh, thank God!
Me: I heard he was shot multiple times.

The doctor sighed.
Doctor: I'm afraid I have some very difficult news.
Mom (shaking her head): Doctor, no… no…
Doctor: I'm sorry. We had to amputate both of his legs. He sustained gunshot wounds to both knees, two bullets entering from the front and two from the back. The damage was extensive, the bullets completely shattered the joint structures and destroyed the blood vessels. There was no way to salvage them. I truly am sorry.

Mom wailed.
Doc: And his hand..
Me: What about it?
Doctor: The injury to his right hand was catastrophic. The blade destroyed the bones and tendons beyond repair. We had no choice but to amputate as well.

I nodded.
Doctor: Mr. Zwane is alive, but he's going to need intensive support. His life is going to change dramatically. The rehabilitation process will be long and difficult, both physically and emotionally. But with the right care, he can still live a meaningful life.
Me: I understand, Doctor. Thank you. Can we see him?
Doctor: Yes, but he's heavily sedated for now.

I turned to Mom.
Me: We can go and see him.
Ntando: I'll give you guys a moment.
Mom: Ntando please, come.

Ntando looked at me and I followed the doctor as they followed behind as well.

Mom couldn't even hold it in when she saw him laying there helplessly, no longer that tall man he was without his legs, he was a half man on that bed, his arm wrapped in a bandage, I glanced at Peach and she was hiding her hands, standing far away from the bed, I noticed she was biting her lip, with a fearful look on her face, I can't believe my father managed to put the fear of satan in her even when he's laying there half a man, he still makes her tremble.

She ended up walking out.

Mom(crying): Who would do this to you and why because I know this wasn't random! They left the car! They deliberately made sure you never had to walk again or use your hand, what did you do Sfiso!!

I rubbed her back as the police got in. One of them, a tall man with a stern face, flashed his badge before speaking.
Detective Luthuli: Mrs. Zwane, I'm Detective Luthuli, this is Sergeant Khoso. We're very sorry about what happened. We just need to ask a few questions about the shooting.
Mom (sniffling): Is this really the time? My husband is fighting for his life!
Detective Luthuli: I understand, ma'am. But the sooner we gather information, the better chance we have of catching whoever did this.
Me: Okay… ask your questions.
Detective Luthuli: The report we received says the suspects initially tried to take the car, but then abandoned it. That doesn't quite add up. Do you know of anyone who might have wanted to target Mr. Zwane personally?

Mom (hesitant): He… he's a businessman, we have a company together, Zwane Construction, i handle the financial side of things. We are involved in government tenders. That world is not… clean. There are rivals, people who get bitter when they lose contracts. But my husband isn't a violent man. He just works hard.

Sergeant Khoso (taking notes): Does he currently have any disputes? Maybe contracts you've won that others were unhappy about?
Me: He recently secured a big housing development tender Umlazi, there were other companies bidding. Some people weren't pleased… I remember him saying that.
Detective Luthuli: Was he threatened? Any strange calls, messages, or warnings lately?
Mom (shaking her head, tearful): He never told me. But sometimes I could see the stress… he didn't share everything with me.
Me: He's been in contact a lot with the newly appointed Premier, Sandile Khumalo, so I don't know…that guy is not known for being straight and narrow.

The two officers exchanged a look.
Detective Luthuli: That's important. We'll need his phone records and access to his business emails. Also, if you remember anyone who might have had a grudge, please tell us.
Mom (voice breaking): I don't care about contracts or rivals… I just want my husband alive.
Detective Luthuli(softly): And that's exactly why we need to find out who did this. Whoever attacked him didn't just want the car they wanted to hurt him.
Sergeant Khoso: Thank you for time, we will be in touch.

They walked out and mom looked at me.
Mom: The premier? Really Shaka?
Me: I told dad I wasn't going to marry Slindile and then suddenly he's being targeted like this? We both know Sakhile Khumalo doesn't like being told no.

She shook her head.
Mom: His wife is my friend!
Me: And his wife is loyal to him!
Mom: I have to update the family, Sbani and Khethiwe are on their way, how are you feeling?
Me: I'm more worried about you Mom.
Mom: I need to be strong, tomorrow your grandparents will be here and you know how they are.

I exhaled.
Me: I can't believe he will never walk again, and his hand…
Mom(sighs): I know, you should go home, your sisters must be worried.
Me: I am not leaving you here.
Mom: I will be fine Shaka, please go home and check on your sisters, I'll be home late.
Me: You'll call me if anything happens right?

She nodded and I gave her a tight hug and kissed her cheek.
Me: Everything is going to be okay.
Mom: I don't know Shaka, your father will never be the man we know.
Me: I know.
Mom: Take care of my babies, wait where is your sister?
Me: Maybe she went to the bathroom, I will go and check up on her.

[NTANDOKAZI NGEMA]
I barely made it to the car, my chest tightened so suddenly it felt like someone had wrapped a steel band around my ribs. I couldn't breathe, at least, not properly. The air was right there, all around me, but my lungs refused to work.

What was happening to me?

My hands started trembling, so badly I pressed them against my thighs to hide it as I leaned on the side of Shaka's car but the shaking only got worse. My heart was racing, pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears like a drum.

I tried to tell myself.
Me(whispering): Calm down, it's fine, you're fine!

The words didn't stick. My mind kept spinning, spiraling out of control. Images flashed— him with a gun on thigh, his hand under my PJ top massaging my boob, yes he was in that hospital bed, half a man and couldn't hurt me but still, I was so scared.

I couldn't swallow, my throat was closing. I was choking….no scratch that I was dying.

I closed my ears with my hands blocking the noise, there were many voices, too much noise. My skin burned hot then went cold all at once. I dug my nails into my palms, desperate to feel something solid, something real.

"Breathe," someone said, but their voice sounded far away, like underwater.

I gasped, a sharp, broken sound that didn't fill me. My vision blurred at the edges.

Me(whispering): No, no, no please don't hurt me, please don't do this, please, please.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Hey, hey… look at me." The voice was closer now.

I forced my eyes up through tears, she crouched in front of me.
Her: Follow me, okay?

She whispered.
Her: In… one, two, three… out… one, two, three.

I shook my head, a sob catching in my throat.
Me: I can't—
Her: You can. You're safe. I've got you.

Her hand slid down, wrapping around mine, anchoring me. She pressed my clenched fists open gently, guiding my palms against hers.
Her: Feel that? I'm right here. Squeeze my hand if it gets too much.

I tried. Air scraped through my lungs in short, jagged bursts, but I clung to her voice. In. Out. In. Out. The rhythm slowly caught.

My heart still thundered, but it wasn't crashing anymore, it was relaxing. The shaking in my hands eased as her thumbs rubbed circles into my skin.
Her(smiles): There you go, that's it. You're not alone. Just breathe with me.

My tears slowed, and when the world finally came back into focus, I realized I was still holding her hand like a lifeline.
Her(smiles): There you go.

I wiped my tears.
Her: First time having a panic attack?
Me: So that's what it was? I thought I was dying.
Her: Anything particular that might have triggered it?
Me: Uhm… yeah the man who tried to assault me a few days ago was involved in an accident and seeing him laying there, I shouldn't have been scared, it's not like he's going to hurt me but I just…
Her: It's understandable, are you seeing a doctor?
Me: Yes.
Her: Oh okay, I was about to recommend myself, I am Ndalwenhle Miya, the hospital's psychiatrist.
Me: It's nice to meet you, I'm Ntandokazi Ngema, have we met before? You just seem familiar.
Her(smiles): I doubt it, maybe I have one of those faces.

I laughed a little.
Me: Seriously, you look like my boy— I mean my cousin.
Her(laughs): Maybe ukufana kwabantu.
Me: Angeke! This is too much of a coincidence, he could literally be your brother.
Her: Really?
Me: Yes, I don't have a phone otherwise I would have shown you his picture, but he's inside.

Her phone buzzed.
Her: Oh I'm needed inside, what's your number? I'm interested in meeting this cousin of yours that looks like me, he might be my brother lord knows my father couldn't keep his zipper up in his prime.

We laughed as I gave her my number.
Me: Thank you again, for saving my life.
Her(smiles): I'm glad I was there on time, I will call you later just to find out how you are okay?
Me: And then maybe I can take you out for lunch as a way to thank you.
Her(smiles): I would love that.

She gave me a hug and walked away, that was weird, she is the exact copy of Shaka, maybe it's Uncle Sfiso who can't keep his zipper down but then again, they don't look like him, only Elihle and Esihle look like him.

Shaka: Hey, are you okay?

I was a little startled, I held on to my chest.
Me: Yeah, yeah I'm okay, how's Aunty?
Shaka: She's going to be okay… eventually, Peach you just ran out of there, what the hell happened?
Me: Nothing, I didn't want to get in, in the first place but when I did, I just couldn't pretend…I'm okay.
Shaka: You sure? I don't like lies Peach.
Me: I'm good, so, is Aunty remaining behind?
Shaka: She's waiting for Baba Omncane and Mamncane, Dad's siblings, and my grandparents will be here tomorrow.

I nodded.
Me: We should go, Elihle and Esihle must be worried.
Shaka: Yeah.

We got inside the car and he drove off, I can't believe I had a fuckin' panic attack! Why didn't I get one when Leano actually did something to me? Or is it because I've never had to see Leano again after that ordeal?

Shaka was still mad at me because of our conversation earlier, he was giving me some sort of silence treatment as we arrived back at home, he jumped out of the car and I exhaled while following behind.

The twins ran to their brother and gave him hugs.
Elihle: Where is mom and dad?
Shaka: Uhm… dad had an accident and he's currently in the hospital, so mom is there with him, but don't worry dad is going to be fine he will be home soon, I promise.
Esihle: Okay.

I decided to start on dinner. I made something quick and easy, Shaka made sure they took their bath and helped them with their homework, later on I dished up for everyone and we sat around the table. It felt weird actually, having dinner without the parents.

My phone rang, apparently Shaka restored everything back, I answered the unknown number.
Me: Ntando speaking.
Person: Ntando hey, it's Doctor Ndalwenhle Miya, we met earlier.
Me(smiles): Oh yes, my very knight and shining armor.

She laughed.
Her: Wanted to make sure you gave me the right number.
Me: Hawu why would I give you the wrong number? You saved my life back there, I literally saw my life flashing right in front of my eyes.
Her: I'm glad you're okay, you know I can help you with some techniques to get through a panic attack.
Me: Really? I'd love that, let's discuss it tomorrow during lunch, how's that?
Her: I'd love that, so you can tell me all about this 'brother' of mine.
Me(laughs): Of course.
Her: Bye.

I dropped the call and Shaka was looking at me dead in the eye.
Shaka: Knight and shining armor? I thought I was your knight and shining armor.
Me: We are not about to do this in front of the kids.
Shaka: We are definitely doing it right now.

I exhaled.
Me: I had a panic attack after I left the ward.
Esihle: What's a panic attack sisi?
Me: It's when you struggle to breathe, like you're about to die it's a very painful thing.
Elihle: You almost died?
Me: I almost died, but a guardian angel by the name of Dr Ndalwenhle Miya saved me, a very beautiful young woman.

I said the young woman part looking at Shaka, but his face was still stiff, what now?
Shaka: I asked you earlier if you were okay and you said you were okay.

Oh, that's the real issue, I exhaled.
Shaka: Twins, go and eat in your room.

They nodded and grabbed their plates and went upstairs, it was time to do damage control, I went to sit on his lap.
Me: Baby I was going to tell you, I just didn't want to worry you, please stop looking like this, you're scaring me, please.

I said kissing his lips, he wasn't budging.
Shaka: You had a panic attack?
Me: I know, I know.
Shaka: Why?
Me: I was triggered by seeing your father.
Shaka: Must I smother him with a pillow to death so that you don't have another panic attack?

I didn't know whether to laugh, smile or be mad, I don't know how this guy's brain functions honestly the way he's so overprotective of me.
Shaka: Nothing about this is amusing Peach.
Me(smiles): I love you.

He chuckled.
Me: No, for real.
Shaka: Stop keeping things from me then.
Me: Okay, I think you might have another sister out there, no more secrets.
Shaka(shocked): What?!