CH07

BURNING BLUE.
BY BELLA ROYALTY.
07.

[NTANDOKAZI NGEMA]
The angel that God assigned to me, must hate me because what the hell is this nonsense I'm living? You'd think because I've already been through enough, the angel would go easy on me, but nope!

I might actually be pregnant, like… okay when Shaka took me to the doctor a few days ago, I had a little hope, I thought maybe I might not be pregnant, I had a little hope, but now? I'm convinced I'm pregnant, my period was meant to be two days ago, I've been waiting, and waiting but nothing, as if that isn't already stressful enough, I haven't stopped vomiting, if it's not the smell of my own perfume nauseating me, it's the smell of burnt eggs, also I feel bloated which has me convinced that I am pregnant.

I know what to do, I won't keep this child, I just can't, I won't be able to bring myself to love it and it will be unfair to it because it's not it's fault that it was conceived the way it was, so I don't want to bring it into this world knowing very well that it won't receive the love it should from a parent.

I don't know how I'm going to go about with this, I'd ask Shaka to point me at the right direction where I could end up getting the procedure since I'm not familiar with this city yet, and he has a car since I'm scared of being in a car with a stranger after that Bolt encounter.

With us being distant from each other, I'm really at a loss and I need to get this thing out of me immediately before I'm told I can't perform the procedure, I'm not even a month yet, so it should be quick and easy to get rid of it.

Anyway, today it's the first day of orientation week and I had no choice but to come out of hiding. To my surprise Shaka was here as well, everyone was at the breakfast table already.

Me: Good morning everyone.
Aunty Mandisa: Good morning sweetheart, how was your night?
Me: It was great thank you aunty.
Elihle: Are you scared? First day of school?
Emihle: She already has someone she knows, uBhuti.

I faked a smile.
Me: I'm sure I'll be just fine, I'm a big girl after all I can take care of myself.
Aunty Mandisa: Speaking of which, since you mentioned that you knew how to drive and had a learners license, your uncle and I have decided to give you one of our cars.
Me(excitedly): Oh my God really?

Uncle Sfiso: Yes, it's only fair, Shaka has his own car and you must have yours as well because I cannot trust that Shaka will be able to take you to and from school since he has a busy schedule and you can't take a cab because of what happened the last time.

Shaka cleared his throat uncomfortably.
Aunty Mandisa: Yini Lembe, are you feeling a little guilty?
Shaka: Mom come on, I've already apologised for that incident.

Aunty Mandisa: Either way, you've proven to be not reliable and I will not gamble with my baby's life like that ever again, Skhumbuzo our gardner will wash the car for you today Ntando and you can be able to drive yourself tomorrow, which means, Shaka nkosi yami, please don't disappoint me, take your sister to school and after she's done drive her to her appointment with Dr. Karen, I'll take her there, can I trust you to do that?

Me: Uhm…you know what Aunty, I can take a cab I don't mind.
Shaka: I'll drive you.
Me: You don't have to.
Shaka: Ntando stop being stubborn.
Me: I'm not being stubborn, I don't want to be driven by you!

I got up and went to my bedroom and packed my bag. I will not drive with Shaka, I'd rather go through what I went through the first day I got here.

After I was done, I went downstairs.
Me: I'm leaving.
Aunty Mandisa: Ntando come and sit down a little.

I huffed and sat down.
Uncle Sfiso: What the hell is wrong with the two of you? I thought you were getting along, what happened?
Shaka&I(unison): Nothing.
Aunty Mandisa; Well it can't be nothing, out with it now!
Shaka: I don't have time for some spoiled brat, honestly, if she doesn't want to catch a lift to school, she can be my guest. I hope they do worse to her this time because she's stubborn.
Aunty Mandisa: Maye! Shaka, how can you say that? Take that back now! I said take it back now!!

He swallowed.
Shaka: I'm sorry.
Uncle Sfiso: Now what exactly is the issue between the two of you?

We both kept quiet and just looked at each other.
Uncle Sfiso: You're definitely driving to school together, later I want to see nothing but smiles when I come back from work! Do you hear me?

We didn't respond.
Uncle Sfiso: Yey! I'm talking to the both of you!
Me: Yes.
Shaka: We hear you.
Aunty Mandisa; Now go!

We both stood up, I grabbed my bag and walked out, to his car while he followed behind, I opened the door for myself and sat at the back, he chuckled while shaking his head and got on the driver's seat and started the car, as we drove off, he blasted some music and I was just focused on my phone.

I was actually angry, for what? I don't know either, maybe because he ditched me and now I needed him?

We drove to the campus and he found a parking spot. As soon as he did, I wanted to get out of that car ASAP but guess what? King Shaka had locked all doors.

Me: Can you unlock the doors before I vomit in your car? Your cologne is choking me right now.
Shaka: What is your problem? What was that at home?
Me: Shaka man open this door before you accuse me of trying to seduce you right in this car!
Shaka: So that's what this is about? Ntando did they check if you were mentally okay? Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a child?
Me: Are you saying I'm crazy?
Shaka: Delusional is the word I'd use! You can't be angry that I rejected you! You are my fuckin' cousin bro what the hell is wrong with you?
Me: I'm not—

I took a deep breath.
Me: Just open the damn car.
Shaka: If that's not the case then why the hell are we fighting Ntando?
Me: You accused me of wanting you!
Shaka: Kanti awungfuni yini?
Me: Oh my word! At this point from where I'm seated, it looks like you're the one ofuna mina!
Shaka: Uyahlanya? Why the hell would I want you? Egoli do yall date your sisters and brothers?

Me: Get over yourself Shaka, I don't even know what gave you the impression that I wanted you, what vibes did I give you that suggested that I want you? Because if there's anyone who's been trying to seduce me ever since I got here it's you!

He looked at me shocked.
Me: So buddy, look at yourself in the mirror and do a self introspection because if there's anyone who's delusional here it's not me! I know that I might be a little messed up right now because of the things I've been through but I would never mistake kindness and gratitude for anything romantic!

I hope I sounded more convincing than I did in my head, he unlocked the doors and I got out, so did he, in a flash he was in front of me.
Me: Move out of the way.
Shaka: I want to see who's delusional here between you and I.

He got closer to me and I held my breath, he placed his hands on my waist, did I not fold at his touch? He looked me straight in the eyes.

Me(nervously): Shaka, step away from me.
Shaka: Move me.

I swallowed.
Shaka: I am going to kiss you now and I won't stop till you admit that uyangifuna and I'm not delusional.
Me(nervously): Please don't.

He leaned in, I felt hot and bothered as I closed my eyes, I can't give in!

I stepped away from him and gave him a mean slap that left my palm on fire, damnit! Why do people make this look easy? It's painful as hell!

Me: Do I look like a fool to you Shaka? You want to take advantage of me because of what I've been through? You think I don't see right through you? You're just the same as all the guys out there! Just because you know what I've been through you thought you could confuse me and manipulate me right? And you'd blame it on my emotional state? Who's delulu here between you and I? Honestly what vibes did I give you that I am the type that sleeps with their cousin all in the name of we are not blood related? Uyanyanyisa uyezwa? And you better stay the fuck away from me otherwise I'm going to tell your parents, pervert!

I pushed him away from me and walked away, funny story? I didn't even know where the entrance was, but I was just walking away, following the crowd. I didn't even dare look behind because I'd give everything away.

As I was walking, fast might I add, I was almost hit by a bike, he actually crashed me into a corner, I was scratched on my knee.

Me: What the hell is your problem? Did you learn how to drive that thing in kindergarten or something?

The biker took off his helmet and phew lord! I know my mind is a bit messed up right now but damnit!
Biker: So you didn't see the bike coming at you?
Me: Didn't you see that where you were headed someone was walking there?
Biker: You've got a loose tongue don't you?
Me: You've got terrible biking skills!
Biker: Tumelo.
Me: I don't care.

I walked away and he got off the bike and followed me.
Me: What now?
Tumelo: Who pissed you off so early in the morning?
Me: You're about 5 seconds away from pissing me off as well.
Tumelo: Well damn, now I'm catching strays for whoever passed you off, I'm sorry okay? You're right I was the one at fault, can I at least check out your knee? Please.

I exhaled.
Me: I need a plaster.
Tumelo: I might have one in my locker, we can go there.
Me: Okay.
Tumelo: You're new here aren't you?
Me: Is it that obvious?
Tumelo(smiles): A little bit, like I mentioned before, I'm Tumelo Morake.
Me: Ntandokazi Ngema but you can call me Ntando.
Tumelo: Ntando as in Prime's sister?
Me: Oh of course everyone knows him, cousin actually.
Tumelo: Same thing really, yeah he's the SRC president so everyone knows him but he's my friend.
Me: Mmh I see.
Tumelo: My points just dropped, didn't they?

I laughed.
Me: By a whole 40%
Tumelo: Fuck! I knew I shouldn't have been friends with him. This always happens if girls aren't asking me for his numbers, girls who I be asking out by the way, as soon as I say he's my friend, my points drop, I should consider making new friends.
Me(smiles): That might help.
Tumelo: You are right but I can work with dropped points. At least I know in the long run you won't ask me for his number or to hook you up because he's your big brother.

We laughed.
Tumelo: So, what are you studying?
Me: Civil Engineering.
Tumelo: You're not here to play at all.
Me: I'll have you know it wasn't my first choice but because I applied late I took whatever was available, I don't even know what the course is about.

We laughed.
Tumelo: Damn! But I'm sure you'll learn to love it.
Me: I hope so.

We arrived at his locker and he opened it and took out a plaster.
Tumelo: Let's go to the Media Center so that I'll patch you up.
Me: Okay.

Everyone was looking at us, well at him, I couldn't blame everyone actually, I thought Shaka was hot, but Tumelo? Heater.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance as soon as I saw where we were headed.
Me: I don't want to be around my cousin right now.
Tumelo: Word? You guys have yourselves a 'nothing but the truth' moment or something?
Me: Huh?
Tumelo: Siblings rivalry

I laughed at the reference, that was quite clever actually, Nothing But The Truth was actually a story that we read in high school, English to be exact and the theme was Siblings Rivalry.

Me: That's creative, but yeah, he's annoying.
Tumelo: Aren't all big brothers? My sister says I cramp her style, imagine! Me? Cramping someone's style, look at this?

I laughed.
Me: Udlala ngawe.
Tumelo: Exactly! But we can just go there and greet them and we will chill together.
Me: You don't have to babysit me Tumelo, really I'll be able to find my own way.
Tumelo: With those looks, I have no doubt, but I don't mind being your personal tour guide, I'm sort of a fossil around these walls.
Me: Final year?
Tumelo: Yep.
Me: Can we swap?

We laughed as we reached Shaka and the rest of the gang, why am I not even surprised they are surrounded by girls.
Tumelo: Ladies and gentlemen.
Shaka: I see you've met my cousin.
Tumelo: Yes, why did you never tell us she was this fine by the way?
Shaka: Mxm.

They laughed.
Tumelo: Anyway this is Ntando, Prime's little sister, Ntando that's Lungelo with the glasses looking like the awkward nerd he is.
Me: Hi Lungelo.
Lungelo: Hey, it's finally nice to put the face to the name.
Me: I assume you've heard a lot about me?

I asked, looking at Shaka.
Lungelo: Nothing much, just that you're annoying.
Shaka: Dude!
Me: Oh wow.
Tumelo: He's just joking, Prime never said that, he said you were shy and quiet.
Girl: Oh my God! I thought I recognized you! You're Ntandokazi Ngema right? African Goddess?
Me(nervously): That's me.
Girl: Girl! We've missed you on social media!
Me: Had to take a break, you know mental health first, content last.
Girl: I'm Mbali by the way.
Me: It's nice to meet you.
Tumelo: As I was still doing the intros until I was rudely interrupted, that's Sean.
Me: Hi, Sean.
Sean: It's nice to meet you finally.

I smiled.
Tumelo: That's Mbali, Lindelwa, Amahle and Gugu.
Me(smiles): Hi guys.

Only Mbali responded happily, the others were a bit…
Me: So which one of you is Tumelo's girl or has a crush on him?

They looked at me shocked.
Me: I mean I've just sensed some mean girl energy when I greeted yall so I figured maybe it's because I'm with Tumelo? Tumelo, which one is your girl here?
Shaka(laughs): You're on a roll this morning Mzala, who pissed you off?
Me: You.
Mbali(laughs): Oh my God! I love you Yezwa Dali?
Tumelo: None actually. Maybe they have a crush on me.
Me: Oh, okay.
Tumelo: Bye losers with mean girl energy.

We walked away from them.

_____
My first day wasn't that bad actually, Tumelo took me to where the rest of the 1st year's were, he led me to my group, and I met two civil engineering students, Buhle and Nandi, they stayed at Res and were roommates, we just started vibing.

Buhle: So guys, are you going to that campus party thing on Saturday?
Me: I've had bad experiences at parties, I think I'll sit this one out.
Nandi: Why? What happened?
Me: I would rather not get into it right now, but as a result, I'm currently attending therapy. That's how bad it is.
Buhle: Aw shame Ntando, I'm so sorry.
Me: It's okay, so you guys can go ahead.
Nandi: Oh my word is that the SRC president? Oh my gosh he's so hot!!

I rolled my eyes.
Buhle: I saw that! You don't think he's hot?
Me: He's my cousin, annoying cousin.
Nandi(screams): Oh my gosh! Please hook me up with him! I heard he's quite the stallion, and I'm not talking about his physique!

I looked at her bored.
Nandi: But down there, he has a penile piercing and you cum with just the tip.
Me: Nandi, my poor ears did not have to hear that!

They laughed.
Buhle: So like he has a piercing on his penis?
Nandi: Yes and the stimulation and pleasure there? Girl! I just want to get a taste of that!
Buhle: Isn't that unhygienic though? I mean the penis is a very sensitive organ, why would anyone pierce it?It's not like we can see it anyway?Also that would mean he has to clean himself at least twice a day, that sounds like a lot of work.

Nandi: Well he does seem like a clean gent I'm sure he is doing just fine.
Buhle: I see Prime, but Tumelo? With his biker bad boy persona? He could get it.

I zoned them out honestly. I didn't need to hear all that, oh great, my enemy was coming right at us and Nandi was already fixing herself.

He was with his squad, we were done for the day.
Tumelo(smiles): Ladies.
Buhle(smiles): Hey.
Shaka: Mzala aren't you going to introduce us?
Me(rolling my eyes): Girls, meet the players of the school, players of the school, your next victims, bye.

I walked away.

____
I took a taxi to town, outside school I found a bunch of girls waiting to catch a taxi and I joined them. One of the girls was kind enough to take me to the doctor's office.

Shaka kept blowing up my phone the entire time, my session with Dr Karen was okay and she recommended a Gynecologist for me and she wasn't that far, she was in the same building as Dr. Karen which made my journey smooth.

I got there and I had to pee on a cup and she also took some blood samples and disappeared on me.

As I waited impatiently, someone called me, it wasn't a saved number.
Me: Hello.
Shaka: Has anyone ever told you just how much of a pain in the ass you are? Wasn't the agreement that I take you to your session?
Me: Mxm kanti uwena.
Shaka: Don't you dare drop the phone Ntando!
Me: Or else what? You'll intimidate me again and threaten to kiss me? And you say I'm the weird one, with your incest tendencies.

He laughed.
Shaka: Cha wena uyahlanya straight, where are you? Your session ended 15 minutes ago.
Me: Your call has been terminated.

I dropped the call as the doctor walked in with a piece of paper and by the look she had on, I was pregnant.

Me: Do you perform a termination procedure?
Dr Naderson: You'd like to terminate?
Me: As soon as possible.
Dr Naderson: Don't you need time—
Me: No ma'am, I need this thing removed inside me as in yesterday.
Dr Naderson: You're 19 years old right?
Me: I'm turning 19 in two months.
Dr Naderson: I'll book you in for Thursday, 9am how's that?
Me: Perfect.

My phone rang, I dropped it.
Dr Naderson; You're below a month, it'll be quick and easy, it's just a blood cloth for now so please don't ingest anything, bring a bottle of water, a pack of sanitary pads.

I nodded as my phone beeped with a message.
'You're not killing that child.'

Shaka uyahlanya bakithi, wait…how the hell does he know where I am? And what am I doing? That is creepy by the way.

'I am not carrying a ràpist's child, I know you hate me but come on, you can't expect me to carry this child.'
'At home we don't believe in abortion, every child is a blessing'
'Shuthi happy birthday ke because I'm a Ngema, and we believe in getting rid of rubbish before it rots the whole house.'
'I'm telling the family, tonight.'
'Go ahead, in fact I better get there and find everyone already been briefed as if that will stop me, I can't be damaged, unlovable and with a child, that's a deadly combo, I'm not sure why I'm entertaining you.'
'You are entertaining me because you like me'
'mxm'
'Can we discuss this first?'
'This is above your big brother pay grade, my body, my rules'
'Seems like it's body positivity month, all the girls in my life are throwing those words at me these days.'

I stopped typing for a while.
'You have a child on the way and its mother wants to terminate?'
'Can you imagine?'
'LOL, that girl should be my besfriend, it must humble you that no one wants to be tied to you that long huh? Uyalayeka sathane.'
'it's actually not funny'
'Oh it is, it's very funny, I'm on my back with my annoying hyena laugh as we speak.'
'Mxm, I'm telling mom and dad that you want to kill an innocent child.'
'Happy birthday phela Shaka.'