CH26

BURNING BLUE.
BY BELLA ROYALTY.
26.

[NTANDOKAZI NGEMA]
I know that things have been kind of hectic the past couple of days, but waking up on my 19th birthday to a quiet apartment? No texts, no gift bag, like nothing? Now I know I live a sad life, Shaka didn't even wake me up when he was leaving for school to wish me a happy birthday and to say I'm hurt is an understatement.

I thought I'd wake up to this bedroom filled with pink balloons, designer gift bags surrounding the bed, my man wearing sweatpants only, holding a tray of breakfast singing happy birthday to me, but instead there's a note.

"I've left the car, just in case there's somewhere you want to go, I know you aren't comfortable with taking a cab, don't worry about me, Sean will be my cab driver for the day, I love you and have a beautiful day."

I couldn't help but get a little emotional as I took a shower, like where would I go? Shaka has got jokes honestly, where would I go? I have no friends, no family, I am no longer a student either so where would I go that would require a car?

This is honestly not how I envisioned I'd be spending my 19th birthday especially after how shitty my 18th was last year, I made a promise to myself that I'd go all out for my 19th but you know life had other plans.

This year was meant to be my year of redemption, not to mention Durban, this city was meant to be my fresh start, you know being 19 and beautiful, fresh from high school and straight to University, the freedom, the new experiences and meeting new people, I thought that this would be my year but boy was I wrong!

And I thought last year was my worst year, this year has proven me otherwise and taken the cup for the worst year, from the moment it started it's been pain, chaos, drama, finding out and realizing, failures, tears and misery and 10 months into the year, I feel like it's been 2 long years.

I have no friends because the ones I had made think I am disgusting for being in a relationship with my 'cousin', I have no family either because guess what? My own aunt brought me to Durban to sacrifice me to her money making pet in order to keep her riches, I have a boyfriend but he's also going through his own shit, finding out he's not a Zwane has really hurt Shaka even though he won't admit it but I can see that he's hurt and I can't blame him, yes the Zwanes have proven to be bad people but they raised him, they loved him, and then finding out that his biological mother didn't even give him a chance, she just left him for dead and swapped him for an alive and healthy baby like she was swapping handbags at the store? That hurts.

But he's trying to be strong, mainly for me and I wish he knew that he didn't have to, I know he has some pride, he's a man and all that, but sometimes it's okay to be vulnerable and allow yourself to feel and experience things instead of boxing them inside.

I can't help but feel like I am a burden to the poor guy, ever since I got here he's had to be my protector and shield, and I hate that I always bring problems to our relationship, we haven't been in a honeymoon phase, I feel like we just jumped straight to the drama, which isn't fair on the both of us.

I hope the next year will be a bit kinder to us both, we deserve to be happy and get some peace.

I know that things on my side didn't go the way I hoped they would but I'm looking forward to trying again next year, maybe I'll start by applying for something I like and passionate about because let's be honest, Civil Engineering? Nah, fam that wasn't even a first choice for me, every time I was in class it felt like the lecturer was speaking Korean and there were no subtitles, I didn't understand a word that was said, every time I tried to study, I would have this massive headache, I'm not even surprised I failed my first semester and with the way things were going now, I wasn't going to be able to redeem myself at all, I had already failed the tests and assignments, so I decided to de-register for the year, I will try again next year.

I finished taking a shower and got dressed and cleaned the apartment, the same routine I've been doing the past week, waking up, taking a bath, cleaning the apartment, creating content, posting daily dumps, go for a walk, sometimes go to the gym and then go and see Dr. Karen, come back and start on dinner and wait on Shaka, he's busy with his final exams so I try to be out of his way while he studies.

After doing all my chores, I made myself a smoothie and then went to the gym. I joined the gym because Dr. Karen said it would help with my panic attacks because joining a support group was out of the question. Honestly I feel like a broke housewife these days.

I had a 2 hour session at the gym, it's a walking distance. I returned back to the apartment and took a shower and changed and drove to my session with Dr. Karen, she was the first person to wish me a happy birthday, she even bought me a gift and a bouquet of flowers, I posted that and it was only then that people started wishing me a happy birthday.

I then decided to do something that I've never done, which is head down to the club which is a 15 minute drive from the apartment and grab a few drinks.

Barman(smiles): Hi welcome to the Triple T club, aren't you a little young to be here?
Me(laughs): I'm 19.
Barman: I'm going to have to see your ID.

Oh wow, okay, luckily I had some form of identification, I showed him and he took my order and I found a table and settled down, the waiter brought me a very sexy drink, umbrella and all in a fancy glass.

Waiter: Happy birthday, that's on the house.
Me(surprised); Uhm…how did you know?

He pointed back at the Barman who made an ID card sign and I laughed.
Me: Thank you.
Waiter: Would you like anything else?
Me: Mmh, how about 19 shots of tequila and some lemon, I'm suddenly in the mood to celebrate.
Waiter(smiles): Yes ma'am.

I took a picture of my sexy drink before the waiter brought my shots. People were looking at me weirdly. I know it's not even 2pm yet and it's a Friday, what are they doing in the club?

Me(smiles): Can you please take a little video of me and my celebratory shots?
Waiter(smiles): I'd be happy to.

I posed with my shots.
Me(smiles): I am finally 19 yall and I feel like I'm an 80 year old grandma stuck in a 19 year old's body, hopefully these bad b**** over here will remind me of who I am! By the way, this is my first drop of alcohol since the beginning of February. If you don't hear from me in the next hour, I would have died of alcohol poisoning. Wish me luck! I'm about to have 19 shots!

The waiter was kind enough to take a long video of me taking down my shots with slices of lemon, by the time I was done, I felt dizzy.

Who said I needed friends to celebrate my day? I was having a great time!

"Hey, can I join you?" I looked up, I had a disgusted face because I had just taken a big bite of a very sour lemon, it was a beautiful colored girl.

Me: Of course, only if you'll be drinking though.
Her(smiles): What are we celebrating?
Me: It's my birthday, I just turned 19, why am I alone? Girl don't ask, what are you drinking? I'm Ntando by the way.
Her(smiles): Sandisiwe, call me Sandy, oh don't ask, I'm a product of a Xhosa woman and a London tourist.

We laughed.
Me: It's nice to meet you Sandisiwe who's a product of a Xhosa woman and a British tourist.

She laughed as she placed her order as well.
Me: What brings you to Triple T so early? My excuse is that it's my birthday, what's yours?
Sandy: Had a fight with my brother, he's actually the owner of this establishment, so girl, drinks are on the house!
Me(screams): Love the sound of that!! Do you think they'd be kind enough to turn up the volume?
Sandy: James, we need some music, it's a Friday and this is a club not a funeral parlor!
James(smiles): Yes ma'am!
Me(excitedly): Yes!!!

The waiter brought us a bucket filled with drinks and ice, and then a fruit and meat platter was brought in as well, oh my day was turning out perfectly! Sandy was a jol to be around, she was 20 years old, a drop out, basically the black sheep of the family.

We turned our little get-together into a little celebration. We were dancing, singing and taking videos. To say I was drunk would be an understatement however as I was busy taking a video, my phone fell on the bucket that had our alcohol and the ice had melted.

Me(slurring): Oops! Guess I don't have a phone anymore!
Sandy(laughs): Oh my word Ntando that's a whole iPhone 16 what's wrong with you! Take it out!

I giggled and took it out and tried to wipe it off, thank God for the pouch but I had to take it for a checkup to make sure it's okay.

Now I don't know how we went from twerking on the couches to talking about our messed up lives, next thing, I am sobbing.

Me(sobbing): Funny story neh, we started out as cousins but then along the way we found out he wasn't really my cousin, but it didn't matter because when we decided to cross the line we were still regarded as cousins, incestuous right? The way I was judged? I was called disgusting by my friends and it was a whole mess. I wonder what they'd say now that he and I are not blood related. Do you think they should apologise to me? For calling me names?

Sandy: Girl, yall didn't care that yall were related?
Me: I mean we felt a little guilty but then we found out we weren't related, the way we were so relieved!
Sandy: I bet yall had crazy sex to celebrate.

We laughed.
Me: I wish, our lives have been filled with nothing but drama, so I am originally from Joburg, so this year was supposed to be my year of redemption, I came to Durban thinking it'll be a fresh start, you know new city, first year in University, new friends, new romance but boy was I wrong! My own aunt wanted to feed me to her snake so that she could keep her riches! Can you believe that? It was this close to fuckin' getting inside me!

I imitated my hands where it almost got close and she looked horrified.
Sandy(shocked): Dude no way!
Me: And then they said I had a miscarriage! Me? No,no, no it didn't start there, they said I tried to commit suicide, do I look like the type that's tired of living? Dude I haven't even lived! Why would I want to take my own life? I mean I know that my life hasn't been glorious but I would never try to kill myself!
Sandy: Oh my God Ntando I'm so sorry babe.

Me(crying): Last year my father left us for another woman and her kids, my mother is in some rehab because when dad left her she saw no reason to live, my aunt tried to sacrifice me to her snake to keep her wealth, I've failed my first year at University, I'm 19 and cohabiting with my aunt's son who is also my boyfriend, I have no friends, I have no one! It's my birthday today and look at where I am? And it's not even 2pm yet! What is wrong with me huh? Why do I keep losing the people in my life instead of gaining them? What kind of life lesson is this? Alone and miserable?

Sandy came to my side and gave me a tight hug.
Me(crying): Oh did I mention that I was also sexually assaulted by my own boyfriend? As if I wasn't already disgusting, a snake tried to penetrate me. What if my now boyfriend finds me disgusting and finds it hard to be intimate with me? He's going to leave me!! He's going to leave me like everybody else!

Sandy: Okay, I think that's enough for the day, we are going home, you shouldn't be here, let me take you home.

Me(crying): I don't want to go there Sandy, I don't think my boyfriend loves me anymore, he didn't even wish me a happy birthday yet we live together, he could have woken me up with a rose and said happy birthday baby but when I woke up he was gone! It hurts Sandy! My father hasn't even called, as for my mother she's in some rehab! So no! I don't want to go to that apartment, I don't want Shaka to have to deal with me yet again, I've put him through enough, I'm sure he's tired of me.

I heard her talking on the phone with someone and I grabbed the bottle and took a sip while wiping my tears. The bottle slipped from my hand and hit the floor. I was that drunk.

Sandy: Okay I've just called my brother, he's in the area and he will take us home.
Me(giggles): The same one who pissed you off?
Sandy(laughs): Yep that one!
Me: You know… I saw a tattoo shop nearby, I've always wanted to get a tattoo so why don't we go and wait for your brother there?
Sandy: Are you sure?
Me: I will never get the courage again.
Sandy: And I thought I was the impulsive one, let's go, he said he'd be here in 25 minutes.
Me: Let's go!

She held my hand and we walked out, stumbling might I add, luckily the tattoo artist was free, I did something on my wrist, the painful dates in my life which I survived, the day dad left, Leano, the mugging, the the day I terminated a pregnancy, the day Uncle sfiso got in my room and also the day that snake tried to end my existence, to someone else this looked like a bunch of numbers but they meant something to me.

Thank God for alcohol, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten through any of that. I cried though. By the time we left the shop and Sandy's brother arrived, we were on the pavement and I was vomiting, it was a mess honestly.

Sandy: Hey Big bro thank you for coming, I think we should take her home, let her sleep it off a few hours before she can go home.
Guy: She better not vomit all over my car, that's cashmere.
Sandy(rolling eyes): You're so dramatic, let's get in, babe.

We hopped in the car and I felt a little dizzy.

________

Oh I hate alcohol, I hate alcohol with everything in me! The headache that I had? Satan brewed it himself! My wrist was so painful, I looked at it and screamed, a tattoo? Wait, where was I?

I sat up and looked around, I was certainly not at the apartment, and why was I wearing a t-shirt only?

I slowly got out of the bed, trying to remember what had happened. I remembered a few things, and I walked out of the bedroom.
Me: Sandy!
Sandy: Downstairs!

I followed the stairs and screamed when I saw a strange guy, walking around topless, hello? I was in an oversized tshirt!
Sandy(smiles): Hey, hey it's okay, that's just Ty my brother.
Me: Why isn't he a coffee with milk?

We laughed.
Sandy: Oh my gosh, You're so hilarious, we don't share the same father.
Me: Oh, well this is embarrassing. I almost thought I had spent the night with some stranger.
Ty: Trust me if we had spent the night together you wouldn't be bouncing on those stairs, you'd be crawling on them.

Huh?
Sandy(laughs): Don't mind him, how do you feel?
Me: Uhm… What time is it? I can't believe I slept all through the night?

Ty laughed and I frowned.
Sandy: It's 6pm.
Me(shocked): What? I thought? Oh God I'm never drinking again! So it's still my birthday?

They laughed and I laughed as well.
Me: That's Good, I need my phone, my boyfriend must be freaking out wherever he is!
Sandy: Your bag is upstairs.

We climbed the stairs and returned to the room I was sleeping in, she handed me my clothes and I got dressed and checked my phone, it was off, oh great, Shaka is going to kill me.

Me: Sandy thank you for a wonderful day, you really made my day, thank you.
Sandy: Are you kidding me? I had a great time as well, we should do this again as long as you promise not to get all emo on me and cry.
Me(laughs): I cannot promise you that, I didn't even know I was the type that cries when they are drunk.

We laughed.
Sandy: Either way let's exchange numbers.

We exchanged numbers and went downstairs.
Ty: Will you be able to drive?
Me: I should be fine, thank you again.
Sandy: It's a pleasure, please let me know when you've arrived?
Me: It'll take a while, my phone is off.
Ty: You are in no state to drive, your hands are shaking, I'll take you home and then request a cab back.
Me: Can't Sandy drive me?
Ty: She can't even drive a bicycle.

They laughed.
Me: Okay then.

Ey, I was worried about my man, I'm sure he's been calling me and freaking out and next thing I'm being driven by some stranger, but I needed to get home.

[SHAKA 'PRIME' ZWANE]
I was starting to get worried a little, Peach's phone has been off for a while now and I've been trying to call since I finished writing my paper and that was about 4 hours ago.

I tracked the car and it was somewhere in the North which didn't make any sense, we don't know anybody from there, so what is she doing there and why is her phone off?

Tumelo: Prime, the car is on the move.
Sean: The phone just went on as well.

I grabbed my phone and dialed her number.
Lungelo: Please try to calm down, if she senses that you're angry, it'll set her off.
Me: Lungelo I am angry! What is she doing in the North and why was her phone off for so many hours? She doesn't know anyone else besides us!

She answered on the first ring.
Peach: Hey baby.
Me: Really?
Peach: Babe can we not?
Me: Ntando don't fuckin give me that! Do you know how worried I've been?
Peach: Mara Shaka—
Me: Yey! Don't piss me off more than I already am Ntando!
Peach: But baby you're also referring to me with my name…
Me: Because I'm fuckin' angry at you!

She exhaled.
Me: I'll send you a location, I expect you here in the next 10 minutes!
Peach: Why?
Me: Ntandokazi Ngema!
Peach(emotional); But baby how do I know you'll not send me some location to some dingy place where you'll kill me?

Usaba nokufa enjalo nje, I couldn't help but laugh.
Me: Peach, I'm not playing with you, get your ass here, I'll be waiting for you.
Peach: Okay.

I dropped the call and Mr Ngema came to me.
Me: She's on her way baba.
Mr Ngema: That's great, I was starting to get worried.

I smiled, I'm sure Peach woke up thinking everyone had forgotten about her birthday, including me but for the past couple of days I've been planning her surprise birthday here at our house in La Lucia.

With everything that she's been through, I figured she felt alone and I wanted to bring all her people here, her high school friends, Boitumelo, Kamo, Thato and Thuso, those are the ones who were available, I had to arrange with the people from Cape Town to release her mom for at least two days, I had to speak to her father as well and he came with his entire family including Siyakha her baby brother.

I just wanted to do something nice for her, something she didn't expect and I wanted it to be a surprise hence why we all ghosted her. I know she might have woken up and felt somehow seeing that I didn't even wake her up when I left this morning like I normally do.

I have been trying to reach since I left that exam room around 12, to no avail and her phone was off but the car was stationed at some mansion in the North. Now normally I would have driven there but I decided to trust her, she's her whole person.

But now I'm starting to feel uneasy, mainly because she sounded a bit tipsy.

I got an alert from the gate, I viewed the footage, she was here but before I could open the gate, the doors opened the driver's and passenger's doors, and on the driver's side, a guy got out while she exited through the passenger's door.

Me: What the hell?

They talked for a while and then she got on the driver's side while this guy, whom I couldn't see properly, hopped on to another car that seemed to be a cab, Peach hooted and I opened the gage remotely, I shoved my phone back inside my pockets and tried to calm myself down.

Me: Guys! She's here.
Ndalo: Okay positions people!

I went out, she was getting out of the car.
Peach(nervously): Hey baby, this is a beautiful house.
Me: Who was he?
Peach: Who was who?
Me: Ey Ntando don't even dare.
Peach: Uhm… He was my friend's brother.
Me: Which one?
Peach: You… You don't know her, I met her today at the club.
Me: Excuse me? You were at the club? So why is he the one driving you instead of your friend?
Peach: Because she's as wasted as I am and apparently she can't even drive.
Me: How convenient.
Peach: Babe I know what it looks like but I swear nothing is happening, you can even call this girl, her name is Sandisiwe.
Me: You're still going to answer for your actions for now, there are people that are waiting for you inside.
Peach: People?
Me: Yes, come.

I held her hand and she winced.
Me: Yini manje?
Peach: Uhm… I got a tattoo.
Me: Let me see.

She showed me her wrist, it was beautiful actually, it was a tattoo of dates…
Me: Why would you permanently put these here?
Peach: To remind me that I survived them?
Me: Mmh, I would have preferred my name honestly.

She giggled.
Peach: When I get drunk again, I will tattoo your name baby.
Me: on my coochie.
Peach(laughs): I was thinking on my ass.
Me(smiles): Mmh, that doesn't sound bad.

I said spanking her and she laughed as we got inside the house and everyone shouted "SURPRISE" the way she was so startled and surprised.

Peach: What fhe… Mom? Dad? Kamo? Haibo! I know I'm still a little tipsy but what the hell?

We all started singing happy birthday to her, her mother held the cake and walked to her, my baby was a crying mess, her brother threw himself on her arms.

Peach(emotional): Oh my God! I hate you guys so much!

We laughed.
Me: I bet you thought I had forgotten your day huh?

She gave me a tight hug while crying and I smiled.
Peach: Thank you so much, oh my God you don't know what this means to me!
Me(smiles): I think I have an idea I'd never forget your day Peach, never, I'm sorry if you felt alone during the day, but we had to make you believe we had forgotten so that this moment could be fulfilling.
Peach: Trust me it is! Mom! Look at you!
Aunt Zoleka(smiles): Ntando you've lost weight!
Peach: Hawu bakithi kodwa Mah, I am growing up!
Kamo: No, your mother is spitting facts, are you okay?
Peach: No, but today is not about that! Guys you're really here! Dad!
Dad: We have your cousin to thank, he's been quite busy.
Aunt Zoleka: It's a pity that my sister couldn't make it because she's currently mourning.
Peach(clears throat):Uhm… yeah.

Ndalo walked to me with a smile on her face.
Ndalo: You did good.
Me: Really?
Ndalo: Yeah, look at how happy she is, seeing her parents, her little brother, her stepsiblings as well, her friends… you're a good young man bhuti.
Me: I try, her happiness means everything to me and the past couple of months have been hell for her. I just wanted to do something nice for her.
Ndalo: You did really well.

She looked so happy honestly, I pushed my feelings at the back and tried to be in the moment. That situation with that guy was unsettling for me, especially because I didn't know the full story. Peach better not hurt me with some guy from the north, that's where coloreds live which means there are gangsters.