CH19

BURNING BLUE.
BY BELLA ROYALTY.
19

[SHAKA 'PRIME' ZWANE]
I don't even know why I was shocked at what Peach was telling me, I wouldn't be surprised, my father has proven to not be the man I've always believed he was, the biggest shocker was finding out he's actually a pervert who preys on young girls who could be his daughters, so him fathering a child out there wouldn't surprise me at all.

Ntando: You know what I'll do, I'll conduct my own investigation.
Me: You will?
Ntando: Yes.
Me: Okay, I trust you baby.

She smiled and kissed my lips and I squeezed her ass tight, making her moan.
Ntando(smiles): Were you jealous?
Me(chuckles): Very.

She giggled.
Ntando: That's cute, but I'm yours babe.
Me: Good, because I am very impulsive, I'd kill you and that punk.
Ntando: Oh I believe you Mr Zwane.
Me: Good!

There was a hoot at the gate.
Me: That must be mom.
Ntando: Yeah, let me open up for them.

She got up and went to open for them, they drove in and soon enough they walked in, mom walked in first, followed by Mamncane Khethiwe and then Baba Omncane Sbani walked in last, I don't know what happened, all I heard was something dropping and Peach had a terrified look on her face, I looked at where she was looking at and it immediately made sense, Baba omncane is dad's younger version.

I rushed to her.
Me: Hey, hey it's okay, it's not him, it's not him.
Mom: Ntando? Lay her down Shaka, she's having a panic attack.
Me: Again?
Mom: Again? Oh God, Ntando, baby can you hear me? Follow my voice.

She took her hand.
Mom: Breathe sthandwa sami, breathe slowly, In and out.

Her hands were shaking as she blocked her ears, it was the most terrifying thing I had ever seen.
Ntando(whispering): No, no, no, please, please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, I am begging you please don't…

She broke out and cried.
Mom: Ntando it's me, it's me Mandisa, I won't hurt you I promise, I just need you to breathe.
Me: Peach, we are here okay? He's not going to hurt you, he's not I'm here, Iron Man is here, breathe for me, breathe.

She took slow, deep breaths, calming herself until eventually she was calm but she looked terrified. Immediately when she realised she had a panic attack again and this time in front of us all, she got up and ran upstairs, we heard the door bang after she got in her room, that was so…

I sat on the chair, trying to calm myself down as well, that was terrifying, what would happen if she had that and no one was around? She'd obviously die right?
Mom: Shaka… What was that?
Me: Uhm… can you please eat something before I tell you everything, sanibonani Baba omncane, Mamncane.
Baba: Sawubona ndodana, is your cousin okay?
Me: Yes she's okay, she's just been through a lot, she gets triggered by unfamiliar male figures.
Mom: Yes the first time she got here, she was mugged and she hasn't been the same ever since, she doesn't trust and feel safe around men.
Mamncane: Oh the poor child, that was so terrifying, seeing her beg for her life like that, asking to not be hurt, those people did a number on her.

I bit my lip.
Me: Uhm, let me take your bags upstairs and then dish up for you, she had cooked.
Mom: Don't worry, I'll dish up for them, just take the bags to their room.
Me: Okay.

I took their bags to their rooms, I wanted to check up on Peach but I decided to give her space, honestly I was freaked out, I don't know if it was what I saw or the fear of losing her or the realization of the damage that these people left on her, my father and Leano that is.

Leano might be rotting in jail and dad might be half a man who can't do shit to her anymore but they have damaged her.

I returned back to the table and we had dinner in peace, after that I cleared it up while they went to freshen up and retired to bed, mom came down after a while and found me smoking by the pool.

Mom: What is going on Shaka and don't dare lie to me, I saw that! She saw your uncle and almost died, back at the hospital she was hesitant about getting in the ward, she even disappeared, what the hell is going on.

Me(sighs): Mom I think—
Ntando: It's okay Shaka, she has to know, it's time she knows.
Me(smh): Ntando…
Mom: What do I have to know?
Me: Ntando now is not a good time.
Ntando: And when will it be a good time? When I walk in, your father stuck in a wheelchair and have another panic attack and end up dying?
Mom(shocked): What?

I sighed and held my mother's hand and led her at the far end, so that nobody could hear us.

Ntando: Two days before I came here Aunty, my friends and I decided to have a little celebration, my boyfriend at the time, was there and everything was fine until I started feeling dizzy, so he took me to his place, only to find out that he had drugged me and planned on taking advantage of me sexually because I was a virgin and I was leaving, that night and the following days, he…

She couldn't even finish, mom was on her feet, tears flowing.
Ntando: He ràpèd me Aunty, he took my innocence, he felt entitled to my body and did as he pleased with me and then made sure there was no evidence, he made it seem like it was all in my head, that he hadn't done anything wrong to me, we made love but I know what happened, so out of fear that no one would believe me, because he was my boyfriend, I thought Durban would be a fresh start for me, I thought I'd be able to forget about that ordeal and take it to the grave, but then I was mugged, and you guys thought I was traumatized and behaving the way I was because of the mugging, yes I was traumatized by the mugging, mostly, another man had tried to take away something from me.

She wiped her tears, I wanted to comfort her but she needed to finish this.
Ntando: Those guys were going to hurt me Aunty,but I begged them, I told them that I had already been through enough in Joburg and I came here for an escape, so they took my phone and wallet and opted to leave me in the middle of nowhere.

Mom: Oh my God, Ntando why didn't you say something? I could have believed you and we could have gotten justice for you!

Ntando(shaking her head): I wouldn't have gotten justice, Aunty! But you know what I would have become? A liar, the girl who lied about sleeping with her boyfriend and screamed assault, those who believed me would have known me as a victim, and I just wanted to forget Aunty, so I used therapy to get better.

Mom: I knew something more was going on with you, but I just… I thought maybe it was the verbal abuse from your mother, I also thought that maybe some of the men your mother drank with tried to hurt you, I just…

She wiped her tears.
Ntando: Shaka is the only guy aside from Tumelo that I trusted, I was able to open up to him, he helped me get through this, even when we found out I was pregnant, they were there holding my hand as I terminated the pregnancy.

Mom: Yoh! All of this was happening right under my roof? Am I a bad mother or what? Why couldn't you kids just trust me with this? I could have helped you!

Ntando looked down.
Me: That's not all Mom.
Mom: There's more?
Me: Through all of that, Ntando and I got close and we developed feelings—
Mom(shocked): Hhhayi! Please don't tell me you…Shaka no! She's your sister! Ntando she's your brother! You cannot be together! You cannot!!!

I swallowed looking down.
Me: We tried to fight it Mom, for months, that's why we were always just on each other's throats, that was us fighting it, unfortunately—
Mom(shaking her head): Shaka, please don't tell me when we were gone that weekend you guys—
Me: We uhm… kissed.

She clapped her hands in shock.
Ntando: We were by the pool and kissed, unfortunately Uncle Sfiso saw the footage and that night when he asked me to help him with something upstairs.
Mom: I remember that day, you came back angry and lashed out on Slindile and then stormed off.

Ntando: He threatened me, I mean at first it started like an adult reprimanding me for what had happened at the pool, he reminded me just how wrong this was despite the strong feelings Shaka and I had, at the end of the day, he was my cousin, not even a distant cousin, he asked me to be the one who ends things because he believed I was the one who had seduced Shaka, you guys raised Shaka very well he'd never lust over his own cousin, but then he started making threats, he told me he'd kick me out to the streets, make sure I had nothing and even revoke your funding at school, so I did what he asked and broke things off with Shaka the following day.

Me: But that was before he slapped her the following morning for sleeping out after she had stormed off the previous night.
Ntando: He said I was selfish, I had kept you awake all night worried all because I was mad my cousin was getting married, he forced me to apologise to Slindile, and when I tried to tell him that Slindile is the who started insulting me calling me a fraud, he slapped me hard on the face.
Me: I got the footage.

I played the footage on my phone and mom gasped.
Me: And then you called me Mom, telling me something is up between them, when I took the plate to her, we talked, she was thinking of leaving because of what dad did to her, she didn't feel safe anymore, I tried to talk her out of it, she then told me about the slap, only to find out that your husband couldn't even trust that we would keep our hands to ourselves, he was eavesdropping on the conversation.

Mom: Oh my God! I remember him saying that he had to use the bathroom, he was going to check up on you?
Ntando: Yes and then that night, around—
Mom: 1am?
Me: Mom?
Mom; I thought he was doing his work in his office!

Ntando: He snuck into my room with a gun, I was so scared, the whole thing reminded me of what had happened back in Joburg, I felt so paralyzed, he was angry that I told Shaka about the slap, he then told me that him and Shaka had something in common and that was me, Aunty he confessed to loving me, he made it sound like it was my fault that he had fallen for his wife's niece that time I've never worn anything inappropriate even for a 19 year old in this house because after what happened between Leano and I, and I started reading assault stories, most people made it seem like it was our fault because of the way we dress so I didn't want to take risks.

Mom(crying): I know Ntando, I know! You never dressed inappropriately!

Ntando(crying): Aunty, I begged him, I begged him to not hurt me because in my mind I was like, I cannot go through this again, this time I won't survive because he's my aunt's husband, what if Shaka doesn't believe me this time because it's his father? I watched him sneak his hand under my top and do what he pleased because I was scared, he had a gun. He said if I told anyone he'd have my mother killed in Cape Town, he'd have my brother killed as well, and said something about kids getting knocked down by cars all the time.

She broke down and mom held her tight.
Ntando(sobbing): He said if I tried to run away he'd hunt me down and fake my death while he kept me somewhere and I'd make babies for him which you would raise, he said we'd have fun, and because I was scared, aunty I packed a suitcase and left that same morning, I left everything here because I knew Shaka is a hacker and he would find me but he found me anyway! And brought me back here only to be told Uncle Sfiso had been shot, I thought he wasn't going to hurt me he'll be in a wheelchair but I underestimate the fear he had instilled in me, I ran out of that ward because I felt my chest tighten, I had a panic attack outside of the hospital, and then now, I just saw his…

Mom(crying): Oh Ntando! I'm so sorry, I believe you! I believe you!
Ntando(crying): I'm sorry.
Mom: You have nothing to apologize for! You are the victim here! I've always known Sfiso was a filthy man, liked his girls young and all, but I never thought he'd go after my own niece!
Me: What?
Mom: School girls, high school girls, those were my competition, I thought he'd changed, he said he'd changed!

I stood up.
Mom: I put you in danger Ntando, I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!

I couldn't believe this at all.
Mom: I am going to finish him off because ain't no way in hell will I take care of that man after what I've just heard!
Me: Mom, you cannot do that!

Mom: I can and I will! I will push a pillow on his face! He deserves it for everything that he's done! What kind of woman would I be if I let him get away with what he's done? Especially to my own niece? I don't care about those high school girls he was messing with, because they were in it for the money but my baby girl? Under my own roof? That's where I draw the line! What if he had fulfilled his desires? What was I going to say to Bhuti Bongani? And my sister? Who trusted me with her daughter?

Me: But don't you think he's suffered enough? He lost his legs and a hand!
Mom: And who is going to be expected to take care of him? Such a filthy man? You think I will be able to keep this to myself? His other hand is still working. What if he figures it out that Ntando said something and actually ends up calling his people whoever they are to hurt my sister and nephew? He needs to go Shaka!!

Me: Then let me do it mom.
Mom: You're a child, Shaka this is adult business! I will handle this and it will stay between us!

I kept quiet and settled back down.
Mom: As for you two. Whatever it is that you've got going on? It has to come to an end! You are family! Not even a goat will get you out of this one so stop it before you take it even further, you don't want the wrath of the ancestors on you! You are still young, the feelings you have, will eventually fade! Do you hear me?

We didn't respond.
Mom: Ey! I'm talking to you! End this nonsense!
Me: Yes mom.
Ntando: Yes aunty.
Mom: I am not kidding because I will involve the family and it won't be nice do you hear me?

We nodded.

[NTANDOKAZI NGEMA]
I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I woke up this morning, I was even able to sleep through the night.

I didn't think I needed that confession until I did it, honestly Aunty Mandisa also surprised me. I didn't think she would even believe me, but she did and I don't think anyone understands just how huge that is for me especially because this is her husband and not some random man, clearly Shaka took after her mother and not his father, they have good hearts.

I've read a lot of stories with similar cases where the wife doesn't believe that the victim is telling the truth and she takes her husband's side but Aunty Mandisa really came through for me.

And to find out that this isn't the first time that Uncle Sfiso has had a thing for young girls was the shock of it all, something I never expected.

"Sawubona." I was startled as I held my chest.
Me: Malume good morning.
Uncle Sbani: Unjani ntokazi.(How are you?)
Me: Ngiyaphila, ukudla sekuzolunga, ungahlala phansi.(I'm good, breakfast will be ready soon, you can have a seat.)
Uncle sbansi: Ngiyabonga, are you okay? Last night you were…
Me: Uhm I'm fine I actually don't want to talk about it.
Uncle Sbani: I think that—
shaka: Baba omncane, she doesn't want to talk about it, can we please respect that?

I walked away from the table and went to fetch the kettle, aunty Nandisa and the twins came down.

Aunty Mandisa: Sanibonani.

We greeted her back.
Aunty Mandisa: Ntando, do you have a session with Dr Karen today?
Me: Yes, 10:30.
Aunty Mandisa: I will be there with you.

I nodded, Aunty Khethiwe joined us as well and they began talking about Uncle Sfiso and his condition and the arrival of the grandparents. I was just quiet, thinking about my relationship with Shaka, Aunty said we should end it.

After breakfast I left for school.
Nandi: Oh I'm so glad you're okay! We were so worried!!
Me(smiles): I'm okay things got a little hectic there for a minute. But I'm okay.
Nuhle: We heard about your uncle, such a terrible thing that happened to him, is he okay?
Me: Yeah if you consider losing both your legs and a hand living, then yeah.
Nandi: Oh my God! He lost his legs?
Me: Yeah and a hand.
Buhle: That's hectic!
Me: Yeah.

We approached Tumelo by the hallway and as he was about to pass us, I ran after him.
Me: Tumelo.
tumelo: What Ntando? You're here to gloat about how much of a fool I am? How you and your cousin made me a fool? Yazi y'all are disgusting! What you're doing is incest!
Me: Tumelo I know that you feel betrayed and you're hurt but—
tumelo: Sies Ntando, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. He is your damn cousin and you slept with him!! I could have taken good care of you! I loved you! And you used me! The both of you!

He walked away and I felt tears in my eyes, I quickly wiped them and went back to my friends.
Nandi: Are you guys okay?
Ms(crying): No, and it's all my fault.
Buhle: Oh Ntando, let's sit down, what's going on?
Me(crying): I'm in love with my cousin.
Them(shocked): What?
Buhle: Prime?

I nodded.
Nandi: Haaa Ntando!
Me: I know okay? I know! Judge me!
Namdi: Hhay I'm definitely judging you shame, girl where are your morals? He's your cousin! Your mothers are sisters! He's not some distant cousin! He could be your brother, traditionally he's your brother! Sies man Ntando!
Buhle: Nandi come on, that's not fair!
Nandi: She is disgusting! From today onward? We are done, wena are you staying with her or not?

Buhle looked at me.
Me: It's okay Buhle.
Buhle: I'm sorry.
Nandi: Sies man Ntando!

They walked away and I just sat there hugging my knees. This day just keeps getting better. I know what Shaka are doing is not right but Nandi's dramatic reaction is filled with jealousy, we all know she has a huge crush on Shaka.

_______

I had one of the most difficult sessions today with Dr. Karen with my aunt also present.

Dr. Karen prescribed Benzodiazepines for me, she said she's hoping it's a short term thing and not a long term prescription, she also advised me to join a support group and also start joining a gym in order to overcome my panic attacks and we will take it from there.

After that session, Aunty Mandisa went to the hospital while I went to meet up with Dr Ndalwenhle Miya for the lunch I had promised her. I also wanted to find out more about her and how she's related to Shaka.

My phone rang as I entered the restaurant, Ndawelnehle raised her hand and I went there, I answered the call.
Me: Hey babe.
Shaka: You called me babe.
Me: Why wouldn't I call you babe?
Shaka: I was worried that maybe mom got through you?
Me: We made a promise didn't we? Through it all?
Shaka: Glad to hear that, although we will have to be really careful from now on, Peach, she needs to believe that we are really done.
Me: Until when, Shaka? Yazi I've had one of the worst days today. Tumelo gave me a cold shoulder and called me disgusting. I lost my friends the minute I told them about this and I just…
Shala: Can you come over to my apartment when you're done with your lunch? So that we can talk?
Me: Okay.
Shaka: I'm sorry you're having a bad day sthandwa sami and it's because of what we have, our love is not disgusting, Ntando.
Me(sighs): I don't know Shaka, I have to go.

I dropped the call and Ndalo got up and we shared a hug.
Me: Hi doc unjan?
Ndalo(smiles): I'm good and how are you? You look like you've had a rough day and it's not even over yet?
Me: I've had one of the worst days honestly, actually this whole week has been hectic, I've lost 3 of my friends already, anyway look at me going on and on about me, I'm sorry.
Ndalo: Don't be silly, maybe I can offer a listening ear, you know?

I exhaled, the waiter came and took our orders and then left, I rubbed my temples feeling a migraine peeking through.
Ndalo: Ntando…
Me: Kuningi Ndalo and with the way my day has just been going, I'd hate to lose you as well, not when I feel this connection with you..
Ndalo(smiles): You wont lose me Ntando, there are no judgements over here I promise and believe it or not, I feel that connection as well.

I sighed and started at the beginning, from my parents separating to what happened last night, she was quiet for a while.

Ndalo: Wow gosh, Ntando you're such a strong person let me start there, how are you even still alive through everything you've just told me?

Me: I don't know if I'd call this being strong, Ndalo I cause destruction everywhere I go, first it was my father leaving us and now I feel like I've single handedly destroyed my aunt's marriage, I might destroy the whole family as well by being with Shaka I just… (sighs)

I shook my head.
Me: Maybe I'm the problem, maybe I am the drama like Cardi B.
Ndalo: You're not the problem, do you hear me?
Me: Then why is there so much drama around me?

Ndalo: First of all what happened between your mother and father wasn't your fault, your dad fathered a whole family in secret, that wasn't your fault, he chose to live a double life and lied to you and your mother, even when he came clean, your mother could have decided to accept the second wife issue and you would have had a complete family but your mother still wouldn't have been happy.
Me: But she wasn't happy either when they broke up, I feel like she regretted her decision, she spiraled Ndalo, sometimes she'd blame me as for what? I don't know.
Ndalo: She had no right to blame you, that wasn't your fault, they are adults who made their choices.

I looked down.
Ndalo: What happened with Leano wasn't your fault either.
Me: Maybe I should have just agreed to sleep with him before he even had evil intentions for me.
Ndalo: Even when you were not ready?
Me: He wouldn't have decided to assault me.
Ndalo: That's bullshit and you know it, the mugging wasn't your fault as well, you didn't ask Shaka and his Friends to do what they did to Leano and his sister.
Me: She was innocent in all of this Ndalo.

Ndalo: I know that but you didn't ask them to do that, it wasn't your fault, and the pregnancy termination that allegedly claimed her life and her uncle's life? Really do you really believe they died because you terminated? That sounds absurd.
Me: That's what the Molapo family believed Ndalo, a life for a life.
Ndalo: Leano just got his Karma that's all, and it was unfortunately Lerato's time to pass on, there are no coincidences in life Ntando everything happens for a reason.
Me: Leano might have gotten his Karma but I'm getting mine for what happened to Lerato as well because tell me why I'm in love with someone I'm destined not to have? I've already lost 3 people today that I cared for, and I'm still going to lose more because of this relationship.

Ndalo: Is it worth it? I mean Ntando, how sure are you that you even love this guy? You're 19, hardly have any experience when it comes to relationships, from what I've gathered he's like your second or third boyfriend, Ntando you don't want to burn bridges and Lose people over something that's not worth it, what I suggest you do, is do a little self introspection, I feel like you jumped into this relationship without proper healing, write down what it is that you really love about Shaka, ask yourself if 5 years from now on, will you still feel the same way? Is it even love, like real love?

I exhaled.
Ndalo: And also don't blame yourself for your aunt's marriage falling apart, that man was a creep, he was dangerous, preying on young girls, your aunt knew he loved young girls yet she brought you into her house, she put you in danger and you tried to protect her by leaving but as fate would have it, you were brought back, this was her wakeup call as well, to finally choose herself and leave this man, it's sad that she has to leave him at a time like this but it has to be done, she's always known he's a monster, look at it like this, you were the light your aunt needed to brighten her way and lead her out of that hellhole she called a marriage.

I wiped my tears.
Ndalow: You're not alone Ntando, I'm here, I will always be here, I know we have an age difference but allow me to be your big sister, listen I stay in the North, you can come and stay with me for a while, while you do a self introspection on your relationship so that you're not in anybody's way.

I nodded.
Ndalo: You will be okay, anyway show me a picture of this guy that has you willing to become the most hated girl for.

I laughed a little and took out my phone and searched for Shaka's picture and showed it to her.
Ndalo(gasps): Oh my God! This is a picture of my father when he was younger, this is my father by the way.

She showed me a picture of her father and I too, gasped in shock, you know copy and paste? Shaka is not Uncle Sfiso's son, I am now certain.
Ndalo: And this is my mother and my two younger brothers.

I couldn't believe this!

Wait, Aunty Mandisa might not be Shaka's mother as well? Is Shaka adopted?
Me: My ears are buzzing Ndalo.
Ndalo: My heart is racing.
Me: I know people tend to have some sort of resemblance but this is crazy, this is your long lost brother or something, you have to tell your parents, do you have a brother that was stolen maybe at the hospital? Maybe who went missing? Or maybe they put him up for adoption?
Ndalo; No, the only brother that comes after me died a couple of years ago. He could be around Shaka's age.
Me: Maybe they were twins and were separated at birth?
Ndalo: Like that Minenhle And Thingolwenkosazane twin story? Where the other one was a victim of human tràfficking and was taken to Mexico?
Me: Yes! What if they were victims of the same thing by The Apostles?

She shook her head obviously shocked, man I was as well.
Ndalo: I need a favour, before I can confront my parents.
Me: Anything.
Ndalo: We need their DNA samples.

I nodded.