Deadly obsession ,Chapter 4
ZIBUSISOI don't know when I fell asleep next to Zamo, but the next thing I knew, I was waking up to the sound of my alarm. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was 7:30 PM. I got out of bed and took a blanket to cover her up. She looked so peaceful sleeping there, I didn't want to disturb her. I went to my own room and took a quick shower before getting dressed in my clubbing clothes. I grabbed some food from the fridge and headed out. I was looking forward to a night out with the guys.
I pulled up to the club and saw Andile and Mongezi hanging out by the entrance. I walked over and greeted them. They were glad to see me and we headed inside. We took a seat at a table and ordered some beers and a fancy bottle of something special. The music was thumping, and the dance floor was packed with people having a good time. We started chatting and laughing, enjoying each other's company.
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We chatted and drank our beers, laughing and joking around. We watched the girls on the dance floor, dancing and twerking away. Andile was chatting up one girl in particular, and I could tell he was interested in her. Mongezi was flirting with a few girls so did I , just having some fun. The time was flying by, and before I knew it, it was almost midnight. I decided it was time to head home, the alcohol was starting to get to me.
I bid my goodbye as walk out,I I got into my car and drove off. I pulled into the driveway of my house and parked in the garage. I sat in the car for a few minutes, letting the events of the night sink in. I then got out and locked the car, walking towards the front door. As I opened the door, I was met by Sukoluhle who was eating ice cream and watching a movie. She barely even looked up at me, instead focusing her attention on the television.
Me:"Hey, you're still up," I said, sitting down next to her on the couch. She nodded, but didn't say anything. I couldn't help but feel like I was boring her. Was it because I was a guy? Did she just not like talking to guys? I couldn't figure it out.
I decided to try to engage her in conversation again.
Me: "So, how was your day?" I asked. She just shrugged and didn't say anything. This was getting frustrating.
Without saying a word, I reached over and turned off the TV. Sukoluhle looked up at me, her face showing annoyance.
Suku:"Why did you turn off the TV?" she asked, her voice irritated. She got up and took the ice cream container back to the fridge. I followed her, wanting to talk to her.
Me:"Why do you hate me so much?" I asked, my voice pleading. I was standing close to her now, close enough to see the frustration on her face. She turned to face me, her eyes flashing with anger.
Suku:"I don't hate you!" she said, her voice rising. "I just don't want to talk to you, okay? I don't feel like talking right now. Just leave me alone!"
I was taken aback by her outburst. I hadn't realized how much I was irritating her.
Me: "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," I said, my voice softening. "I'll leave you alone. But if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me."
She huffed and turned away, going back to her room. I stood there, feeling dejected. I just wanted to be friends with her I just wanted to be friends with her, but it seemed like she didn't want anything to do with me. I sighed and headed back to my room. I took a shower and climbed into bed, my thoughts racing. Was I doing something wrong? Was I annoying her by trying to talk to her? I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, but I also wanted to be a part of her life. I fell asleep, my mind still spinning with questions.
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SUKOLUHLE
I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. Why did I feel so guilty about being rude to Zibusiso? He was just trying to be friendly. But I wasn't interested in talking to him. I hated having men around me, for some reason. I know he hadn't done anything wrong, but every time I see man, I feel a wave of nausea. What was wrong with me? Am I just being difficult?
I finally gave up trying to sleep and got out of bed. I couldn't just sit around feeling guilty. I needed to do something. I went to the kitchen to make some coffee.
After I finished my coffee, I went back to my room and laid down on the bed. I pulled up some ASMR videos on my phone and started watching them. The soothing sounds and gentle voices helped to relax me and soon I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up a few hours later, the sun streaming through the window and shining directly on my face. I stretched and yawned, feeling more rested than I had in days.
I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to start my day.
Since it was Sunday, I had no plans for the day. I took a shower and got dressed, then headed to the living room. I found Zibusiso playing with Zamo. I said good morning, and Zamo smiled and said good morning back. I got myself a bottle of water and went back to the living room.
Zamo:"Are you doing fine, Sis,?" Zamo asked. I responded with a "I'm doing well, little sis."
Zibusiso didn't say anything, and I could tell he was still upset with me for being rude to him lastnight.
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As the day went on, the tension between Zibusiso and me only grew. It was so thick, you could almost cut it with a knife. Even Mam Hilda noticed, and she pulled me aside to ask what was going on. I told her everything - how I had been pushing Zibusiso away because of my unresolved feelings about my father.
Mam hildah:"You can't keep doing this, Suku," she said. "It's not fair to Zibusiso, or to yourself. You're letting your past trauma control your present. I know it's not easy, but you need to let go of the anger and hatred you feel towards your father. You can't let it consume you and destroy your relationships with other men. You have to learn to separate the two."
I knew she was right, but it was so hard. My father had hurt me so deeply, and I didn't know how to let go of that pain. But I also didn't want to hurt Zibusiso or any other man I might meet. I knew I needed to work on myself, but it felt like an impossible task.
Me:"I hear you, Mam," I said. "But I don't know how to do that. It's not like I can just flip a switch and turn off my feelings. It's not that easy."
Mam Hilda took my hand in hers and looked me in the eye.
Mam Hilda "I know it's not easy, my child. But it's something you have to work on if you want to be happy. You have to learn to trust again, and to give others a chance. Can you try to do that for me?"
I nodded, tears filling my eyes.
Me: "I'll try," I said, knowing it would be a long and difficult journey. But I also knew that Mam Hilda was right. I couldn't keep living like this, letting my past control my present and future. I had to learn to forgive and let go, for my own sake. I just hoped I could do it."Thank you, Mam," I said, giving her a hug. "I know it won't be easy, but I'll do my best."
She hugged me back.
Mam Hilda:"I know you will. I'm here for you every step of the way. We'll get through this together."
I felt a little bit of the weight lift off my shoulders, knowing I had the support of someone who loved me unconditionally.
I wished it was my own mother who was there for me like this, listening to me and giving me advice. But I was grateful to have Mam Hilda in my life, even if she wasn't my biological mother. She went back to her chores inside the house, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I thought about how I could begin to heal my relationship with Zibusiso. It would take time and patience, but I was willing to try.
I decided to start by apologizing. I walked back into the house and I ask Zamo who was watching tv i ask her where is Uncle Zibusiso she told me he is in his study.
I took a deep breath and began to speak.
Me:"Zibusiso, I want to apologize for how I've been acting towards you," I said. "From the very first day, I've been short with you, and I shouldn't have been. I'm sorry for being rude and disrespectful."
I looked down at my hands, fidgeting nervously. I took a breath, trying to keep my composure. "And I'm sorry for what happened yesterday, too," I continued. "I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. I just... "I feel tears wanting to come out but I don't let them..
Zibusiso sighed and looked at me, concern etched on his face.
Zibusiso : "What's going on, Sukoluhle?" he asked gently. "You've been acting so different , and I'm starting to think I've done something wrong. Did I do something to upset you?"
I shook my head.
Me: "No, you didn't do anything wrong," I said. "It's just... there's something I can't tell you. Not yet, at least."
He studied my face for a moment, then nodded.
Zibusiso:"Then what's going on? Are you not allowed to talk to men?" he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.
I hesitated for a moment, then decided to tell him the truth.
Me:"It's not that I'm not allowed to talk to men," I said. "It's just... I have a hard time trusting them. My father... he did some things, and now it's hard for me to trust any man."
The tears were falling freely now, and I couldn't stop them.
He looked at me, his concern written all over his face.
Zibusiso : "There's more to it than just Zamo?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle. I nodded, unable to speak for a moment.
Me:"I can't talk about it yet," I finally said, my voice barely a whisper. He reached over and took my hand in his.
Zibusiso :"It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you're not ready," he said. "But know that I'm here for you, whatever it is. I want to help you in any way I can."
I gave him a weak smile, he takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. He stood up then, opening his arms in invitation. I smiled and got up, hugging him tightly. He hugged me back, his embrace warm and comforting. I breathed in and out, feeling my body relax a little.
Me:"I'm sorry I've been so distant," I said, my voice muffled by his shirt. "I didn't mean to push you away. I'm just... it's hard to trust people after what happened."
Zibusiso :"I understand," he said, holding me close. "And I'm not going to give up on you just because it's hard. I'm going to be here for you, no matter what."
I pulled back a little, looking up at him. His brown eyes were full of kindness and compassion. I felt a rush of gratitude towards him, and I smiled.
Me:"Thank you, Zibusiso," I said. "That means a lot to me."
He smiled back at me, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
Zibusiso "Anytime, Suko," he said. "I mean it. You can always come to me."
I nodded, feeling more at ease than I had in a long time.
Zibusiso :"So, how's school going?" he asked, sitting back down at his desk. I sat down in the chair across from him.
Me:"School is better than I thought it would be," I said, smiling. "And no one's been giving me any trouble, so that's a plus."
Zibusiso :"That's great to hear," he said, sounding relieved. "I'd be really upset if anyone was giving you a hard time. I mean, I'd want to kill them, but I'd be upset, too." He grinned, trying to lighten the mood. I chuckled, appreciating the attempt at humor.The levity broke the tension, and I felt myself relax even more. "So, what classes are you taking?" he asked, leaning back in his chair.
Me:"I'm taking English, math, sciences, and Accounting and PE.," I said, listing off my classes. "PE is actually my favorite. I love to run and play sports."
Zibusiso :"That's awesome!" he said, sounding genuinely impressed. "I love that you're so active and athletic. Do you play any particular sport?"
I nodded and continued to tell him about the sport I played at school. I was happy to share my experiences with him, and he listened attentively the whole time. After that, I excused myself and went to my room to study and do my homework. I was glad to have had such a good conversation with him.
to be continued ...
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