Chapter 4

There was never a day that it ever crossed my mind how I would someday grapple and have sleepless nights because of a disease as simple as diabetes.

For the past few days, I had to do more research regarding diabetes. That was caused by one of our doctors who was battling with the disease. Her case was so unique it brought us sleepless nights and eye bags within few days. None of the treatments we have was able to assist her, hence we had to look into her case and decide whether or not we are able find her the right medical care or…if she would need a specialist. After our research, it was clear the help she needed was nowhere in the country, so she would have to fly to Turkey for intense care.

The wind blew the curtain to my bed as I yawned, stretching my arms. I checked the time, and it was 5: 35.
"Gosh" I said to myself. I had to be at work by 7 am. This felt like a punishment.

I dragged myself to the shower and only managed to take a 10-minute shower. It was a short one but the ice-cold water rushing down my body made it so much better. It was definitely worth it.

I took some time, appreciating my breath-taking beauty I had been fortunate enough to inherit from my aunt, my father's sister. My figure was to die for. My tiny, yet eye grasping curves and breasts would lure any gender to my paradise. The hairs that sat on my figure like the LaLa land grasses of summer. My thighs, naturally toned to perfection.
Me: damn! You didn't have to be so perfect now…did you?

I slowly raised my arms up, like a jolly cat stretching after its beauty sleep. I took a deep breath. One so soft you wouldn't hear no matter how close you were. I posed for the mirror, as though it was a camera held by my soul twin. He, who would know all the correct angles and capture the images of his sweetheart with so much merry and will.

Again, I buttered my skin, and the glow was like the stars' flicker at mid-dusk. I put on my underwear and then my scrubs. I tied my afro into a bun, knowing very well, sooner…I'd have to do something about it. Though, I was dying to dye it white, so to intentionally look luminous.

I drove to work, headed to the maternity ward and the many patients made me stop and sigh for a moment. It was so hectic I couldn't even have my lunch but that wasn't a biggie, as I had come to accept and understand how important my work is. I chose medicine because it brought a smile both to my patients and myself.

One patient left and that filled me with so much joy. She was definitely one of those who complained even when the need wasn't there. One of those who would demand instant assistance even when they can clearly see dozens of other patients before them.

I needed a massage and dinner outing with my friend, but she was still very occupied. I drove myself home coz I just wouldn't do that alone. Social anxiety was my biggest rival. I made myself a sandwich then headed straight to my room for a shower. I took all the time I needed. After, I took the towel and dried my body before I could lotion it.

There was a knock on the door as I was oiling skin.
Me: Who is it?
Ms. Khambule: It's me, MaKhambule.
Me: You may enter.
She slowly opened the door, unsure if she should open come in or not. She had seen how exhausted I was.
Ms. Khambule: Dabeka, my daughter. I've been waiting for you to come back. I didn't want to disturb you while you were having your sandwich.
Me: It's alright. What is it?
Ms. Khambule: You father asked to speak to you. He's been waiting at his study since early afternoon.
Me: Oh…kay. It sounds urgent.
Ms. Khambule: It might be.
She slightly nodded.
Me: I'll be with him in a second.
I smiled. She smiled back and left.

I put on my lazy dress and my slippers, then proceeded to his study. I knocked a few times before he told me to come inside.
Me: Dad…you asked for me.
I sat down. He looked at me with so much seriousness in his eyes. One I barely saw.
Dad: Dlangamandla.
He said, opening his desk drawers and pulled out a case, which seemed like a jewellery box.

I gasped in wonder. What was this? He handed the jewellery box to me and now I was certain it was something valuable. I slowly opened it, ready to be blown away.

It was a beautiful tennis bracelet…seemed to be made of either silver or white gold and it carried its most valuable part, the emeralds. My jaws almost dropped to the floor. It was blinding, more brilliant than anything I had ever seen. It was a masterpiece. It seemed to have been made with so much attention and perfection.

I looked at him with so much grace, then back at the bracelet.
Me: Is it real?
Dad: Of course.
Me: daddy! You bought me a bracelet? This looks so perfect.
I was sincerely merry.
Dad: Right? The emeralds cost an arm and a leg. And…that's not silver but white gold.
Me: I reckoned. Thank you, dad!
My eyes were teary, I gave him an embrace.
Dad: Oh…I'm not the one who bought it for you.
Me: Oh…if not you. Then who did?

He leaned forward and cleared his throat. He sighed.
Dad: Someone who wishes to have your hand in marriage.
Me: I don't get it. Yandani was here?
Dad: I'm not speaking about that stupid boy. He wouldn't afford a carat of real emerald.
Me: Dad…Yandani is not just some stupid boy. Tell me who bought this bracelet.
Dad: Jama…Ngcobo's son.
Me: Jama? who is that? A stranger? I can't accept this!
Dad: Jama is a great guy. He likes you. He is Malusi's son. You kn…
Me: No, dad. No. You're giving me to your friend's son like I'm some cow. Are you?

I was in disbelief! I was furious. I couldn't believe it was my very own dad that was doing this to me. The man whose princess I had been since the beginning of life.

He wasn't the one speaking. All this wasn't coming from a man who had taught me to protect my virginity and femineity from men.
Me: This is your security. Your security is not safe with us. Believe me. My child…I only manage the dealership. It's not mine. This would help us.
Me: I'm a doctor…I will help you. I'll give you the best retirement you could ever ask for. Trust me.
Dad: No! You don't get it. Our company is on the brink of shutting down. You can't save me. You have your own life to live. Please. He is a good man. His family is wealthy. Filthy wealthy. With them, we won't lack.

It was him. My dad was the one who wanted to sell me to a stranger for his retirement's sake.
Me: I can't believe this. I'm not doing this! I have a man who I very much love.
Dad: Which man? Huh? The one who comes from dust and will take you there with him? The one who can't bag a mere internship as a graduate? I have a feeling bad luck kisses him good night before slumber. The one who still has years of black tax waiting for him? It will take years before he marries you. Even then…you'll have to live a life of misery and compromise! Tell me…that's the future you want for yourself?
Me: He is more than just a poor man. He is a wise, loving man. I love him.

He simply laughed at me. This man laughed hysterically. I knew exactly what he expected me to do. He wanted me to flinch and succumb to his request.
Me: I love Yandani. He is my heaven… My life and this is not going to work.
Dad: that love won't feed you. When he starts living well, he will resent you for witnessing his lowest points. He will resent you for 'helping him'. He will seek someone else. Someone who will see him as man from the get-go. Not someone who was licking his wounds.

Yandani wouldn't do that. I knew him and he didn't.
Me: You don't know him. I do. He is a gentleman. He won't change. Our dreams will come true.
Dad: You think you know him? Funny. He doesn't even know himself. He only knows the parts of him life allows him to see and feel. The parts of him that are surviving. Fighting to see the next day. He doesn't know himself as a wealthy man because he doesn't afford to be one. Why do you think you know the man he will become as one?

I put the bracelet back and gave it to him.
Me: If you want to be so close with the Ngcobo's, I suggest you marry him…I'm leaving. Let's pretend this conversation never happened.
Dad: this is happening! Sit down!
Me: No, dad. No.
Dad: I have done everything for you. This is not how you thank me! the sacrifices I have made for you? Tons of them!
Me: What!? You're my dad. Who else was supposed to do that for me?
Dad: You're no longer seeing that boy again. You are marrying Jama and that's final!
I ran out of the study, sobbing like a widow. I ran to my room and packed some of my clothes. I then drove to a hotel. I looked at myself from the rearview mirror and my eyes just couldn't stop crying.

I checked in and slept on the bed for a long-time crying. Just as I was dozing off, my phone rang. At first, I thought I was dreaming then it rang so clearly, I knew it wasn't just a dream. I checked and it was Yandani.

I smiled as I saw his name on my screen.
Me: My heaven.
Yandani: My angel. How are you?
Me: Better now that I hear your voice.
Yandani: Same. I'm about to pass by your house. Can you please come out so I can see you?
Me: I'm not at my house. I'm at the hotel. I wanted to be away from everyone for a while, so I came here.
Yandani: Okay. Please send me the location, so I can come.
Me: Absolutely.
Yandani: Bye, I'll see you now now.
We ended the call, and I sent him my location.

He was at my doorstep in 15 minutes.
Yandani: my angel.
He looked at me with so much love and admiration. There was something so caring yet vulnerable in his eyes.
Me: Come in.
He handed me a flowerpot.
Yandani: I bought you that. I hope you like it.
His eyes smiled as he said that.
Me: What? I love it.
Yandani: You know…since I don't usually have money to buy you flowers or anything you like as often as I wish to, I thought a flowerpot is best to buy. I mean… the petals do not wilt and the whole plant just doesn't die when well taken care of. I know you're one gorgeous woman who takes care of anything and anyone she loves. May this flower bloom and reflect your everlasting beauty.
Me: Thank you so much my heaven. You make me feel so appreciated.
Yandani: You are appreciated.

See, what dad had said saddened me…worse now that I was looking at this man. The man who would do anything for me. Why would I even think about leaving him?

My lips landed on his and I kissed him passionately. My palms landed for his chest, and I held him closer. He cupped my face and kissed me with so much love. Our breathing quickened. I stopped kissing and gazed at him.
Me: thank you for stopping by. I really needed you.
Yandani: You don't have to thank me. I would do anything for you.

He meant that…the glimmer in his eyes was an emphasis of his seriousness. I continued to kiss him, unbuttoning his shirt. Yes, I was ready to give it to him. Right there. I wanted to pour myself to him. He deserved it.

He stopped kissing me and looked at me for a moment.
Yandani: baby…what's going on? Are you okay?
Me: Yandani…I'm ready. I'm ready for you. Please take my virginity.
Yandani: What do you mean? I thought you were saving yourself for marriage.
Me: I want to do it. Now…Please.
Yandani: Are you sure? I mean… You're comfortable?
Me: I've never felt better.

He nodded and continued kissing me. I took off his shirt and he undressed me. He touched my boobs and my body so good; I could feel my kitty preparing itself for what was next.

I was scared…scared of touching his body. Especially his cock. I was scared of the pain. The thought was pacing restlessly in my mind.

Now, completely naked. He rubbed my clit and I gently moaned. The feeling was so good, I wanted us to get started already. Then, his finger entered me slowly and I moaned. I couldn't believe we were really, seriously, doing this.

My phone just had to ring. At first, I assumed it was my dad, so I ignored it. The caller was persistent so I couldn't ignore anymore, it might've been the hospital. I checked and it was Lee.
Me: Lee…What's up?
Liyakha: Mama…I need your help.
He sounded desperate as he said that.
Me: Sure…shoot.
I sighed, looking at Yandani, as he laid on the bed, as naked as me.
Liyakha: I have this Maths assignment that I have to submit first thing tomorrow morning, and it's driving me crazy. I've tried doing it with my friends but no success. I need your assistance.
Me: You should've spoken sooner. Look now…I have to put my own things on pause and do a Grade 10 assignment.
Liyakha: I'm sorry, mama.

He knew how calling me 'mama' softened me. I couldn't say no, once he said that. I sighed and shook my head at the thought.
Me: Fine! Send it to me. I'll see what I can do.
I ended the call and turned to Yandani.

'Ahem' we cleared our throats at the same time. It was awkward now.
Me: We…will need to do this some other time.
Honestly, it would only take me an hour to finish his assignments, but I didn't want to have to start over again.

We got dressed and he looked at me and held my waist.
Yandani: you are beautiful.
Me: thank you.
Yandani: Look…
He held my chin and brought my eyes up to glance at him.
Yandani: You don't have to be ashamed. We will get there.
He kissed my forehead.
Yandani: Whenever you're ready. It's totally fine if you're not.
Me: Thank you. Can you excuse me?
Yandani: Sure. I will see you tomorrow.
He kissed my forehead once more. He put on his clothes and kissed my lips goodbye.

I needed his patience. He was effortlessly generous, patient man and those qualities are those I knew I needed to survive in life.