Doubt
“Here’s your tea, sweetie” Zandile says she gives Simo, who is sitting in the 6th floor fat balcony watching life outside, a hot cup. “be careful, it’s really hot” as she comes to sit next to him. “Thank you, auntie” Simo says as he receives with a smile. He had come to see his aunt for the first time since that infamous weekend. It has been a few days since he had that argument with his girlfriend Lee-Ann, she has been home ever since.“I love this view here. You must be really loving it. You get to see everyone down there” Simo says to his aunt, who lives in this beautiful apartment in Manzimtoti all by herself. She doesn’t have kids of her own but did raise Simo from when he was just 13 when his parents died from a car accident. When Simo was financially stable enough to be independent she moved to this part of the City. She’s a medical doctor by profession. Simo comes over to visit from time to time. Zandile is like a mother to him in every sense of the word. She is Simo’s dad's sister. So they are blood related.
“Oh yes” Zandile says. “not just people down there but, do you see that fat across the street? They always leave curtains opened in the bedroom, so I usually get to watch 50 shades of grey for free here every other night, hahaha” she bursts out laughing. “Oh auntie, come on” Simo shouts as he covers his face with his hands in embarrassment, which only makes Zandile to laugh out even more. She’s amused by it. But she’s also happy to see Simo laughing for a change. She can’t forget the sadness on his face, she saw that night.
“Oh well, it’s true hahaha” she laughs. “All I do make popcorn, pour myself a good rose and come sit here. Ooooh the kind of styles and positons people do will shock you” she takes a look at a very uncomfortable Simo who looks the other way. “alright, auntie” he says. “Can we talk about something else now okay? This is not the topic I can have with my parent really” he smiles to a Zandile who’s clearly impressed with herself. But then suddenly there’s a moment of silence as Zandile suddenly wears a serious face.
“Alright, alright. On a serious note now. How are you feeling, really?” Zandile asks Simo who was caught of guard by that. Not the smoothest of transportation from one topic to another. But Simo knows what she’s talking about but maybe he wasn’t ready to entertain the discussion just yet. He takes his cup and sips a little and then put it down. But Zandile is looking at him waiting for a response. “Well, auntie Lee and I haven’t really spoken in a few days, since we had an argument and I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk to her yet and I doubt she’d want to talk to me herself. And since she’s back home,
who knows what her parents and that cousin of hers are feeding her” he says with a sad voice. But his aunt doesn’t say anything but just listens. Simo takes another sip of his tea to try and calm his emotions a little bit. “but with all that, auntie I must say that I love Lee, with all my heart. She’s the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s just that something scares me about that whole thing” he puts the cup down. But this gets his auntie curious a little bit.
“What scares you sweetie?” she asks curiously as she puts her cup down too. Simo looks up to the sky and takes a deep sigh of concern, “Well, what scares me is that I will have to deal with her parents all
my life and I don’t I can do that” he concludes as he looks at his worried aunt. She brushes his back in comfort.
“Okay listen to me, son,” Zandile says. “I know this may come as a shock but I’ve had done time to think about your situation. Lee-Ann is a very nice girl. She’s pretty well-mannered but I just don’t think she’s good for you” with that, as Simo becomes wide-eyed with shock at this his aunt’s statement she quickly jumps in, “What I mean is, you and her won’t work. Sweetie, what’s been happening between the two of you makes me realize that you guys just need some time apart. At the moment all you do is hurting each other. The situation with her parents isn’t helping either and I have a feeling that you will only end up getting hurt and that’s not what I want for you son”
Simo didn’t really expect this from his aunt. She’s always been supportive of their relationship. What has changed now? She thinks to himself. He looks at her without interrupting her. He really does value her opinions; it has always been that case since he was young. There’s an awkward moment of silence as they both look each other in the eyes.
“I just think that you need time apart sweetheart, at least until you are sure with yourself. You said it that you are not sure yourself if you want to be dealing with her parents all your life. To me that doesn’t sound like a vote of confidence. The issue of race is serious my son. It doesn’t just disappear. If her parents aren’t willing to change their attitude towards you, then you’ll spend a lot of time fighting with Lee-Ann than being happily in love” she concludes. Simo seems to be uncomfortable with this conversation. He takes the cup and finishes whatever was left in it, still a little lost for words to say after all that. He looks at his aunt but sees that she was just being sincere and looking out for him. He stands up and leans against the balcony.
“I hear you auntie and you’re absolutely right about most parts,” he says as he breathes a sigh. “but I love her and I have to try and make it work. I can’t just run away from it. We have gone through many things together and we’ve always managed to pull through. I just don’t know how to deal with her family at the moment but I have to try. Maybe I have to speak to them.” He concludes.
“I hear you son,” Zandile responds with a smile. “Well, I just want you to know that whatever you decide I’m here for you okay? I will always support you, so come here,” she says as she goes over to her nephew to give him a hug. Simo smiles as he hugs her back. “Now come, it seems like you will help me prepare for dinner” Zandile says smiling “You can’t be going home to a take away, remember you are a bachelor now hahaha” they both burst out laughing as they both go inside the house with their cups. It is getting late already and Simo could do with a cooked meal.
***
Over at the Stein family things have also been down mood lately. Julie had come to see her aunt and cousins to check how they are since last weekend anniversary party. She is sitting in the lounge with Debra and Morgan. Derby is forever not home really. As Julie and Debra are talking, they are disturbed by Lee-Ann who is coming down the stairs.
“Oh sweetheart, you are up?” Debra jumps from her sofa in excitement of seeing her daughter out of her room. But Lee-Ann doesn’t respond as she goes to the kitchen and pours herself some milk. As she’s walking passed the lounge without even looking at the people sitting she is called by her dad, “Oh come on sweetheart, why don’t you come and sit down with us for a minute, your cousin is here” he says. Lee-Ann looks at them emotionlessly but doesn’t say a word. As she attempts to go on again, Debra calls out, “Please my baby” she pleads with a very sad face. “You haven’t said much of anything since you came back. You’ve locked yourself in the room and not eating. I’m worried about you honey. We are all worried about you” as she looks at Julie and Morgan. “we just want to make sure that you’re okay. So please my baby. Can you please talk to us” Debra’s voice is now trembling.
Lee-Ann obliges and comes and sits down but far from all of them as if she doesn’t want them to touch her. They all look at each other at this. But Debra is at least happy to see her daughter out of her room. This is what she was afraid of, to see her daughter miserable over a man. The three don’t know what to say to her or what to ask her but Julie decides to break the ice,
“Look cuz, we are here for you for anything okay? Whatever it is that you’re going through, please talk to us. We want to help, okay?” she says as she looks to see if Morgan or Debra wants to say something but both of them look embarrassed than anything. So she just decides to continue, “But as for me cuz, personally, I’m glad to see you back here” she looks at Debra who seems to be saying Maybe this isn’t a good time with her eyes. But Julie ignores that, “I think that you’re better off without that man in your life. Now you won’t be hurt by him again.” But this seems to spring the down Lee-Ann to life as she stands up as if she walking out, towards the stairs. But then she turns around,
“That’s all you ever cared about, right Julie?” she shouts at her cousin. “All that’s important to you is that Simo, a black man mustn’t date me, right?” at these words her parents look down in embarrassment. The last thing they wanted was this tension to build again. Debra decides to come into Julie’s defence,
“Oh no sweetheart I don’t think that’s what Julie meant when…” but she doesn’t finish as Lee-Ann cuts her of, “Mom, stop. Just stop it” she shouts. “Don’t you think I know that you’re also excited over this? you two hate Simo so much you’d rather see me hurt than being happy.” Debra and Morgan attempt to jump in but Lee-Ann won’t give them a chance, “No, no, no” she points them with a finger. “You keep quiet all of you. You’ve been talking behind my back long enough and I’ve been quiet but now it’s my turn to talk. It’s my turn to let out what’s inside of me. Do you know what I think of you? You are nothing but just racists and…”
Morgan can’t take it anymore as he cuts her of, “Okay, that’s enough now young lady. I’m not going to let you talk to your mother and cousin like that. You are out of line now” he says as he stands up in protest. But Lee-Ann is having none of it. She is really upset.
“No daddy,” Lee-Ann jumps in again. “What exactly is out of line here? That these two are racists? Isn’t that the truth? Don’t they hate Simo just because he’s black? She…” she points at her mom, “She called him a criminal over the weekend, why? Because he’s black, right? Isn’t that racist daddy, huh? And you” now she points at her dad, “you just sat there and didn’t reprimand her. Does that also mean you endorse racist behaviour daddy, huh? Is that what you are teaching me to become? Is that what you want Derby to be like? To be racist human being? If that’s the case daddy I’m not going to be a part of it.” She shouts. She’s now very emotional and tears are falling down her face.
Julie decides to stand up and protest, “Oh no, wait. That’s enough now cuz, okay?” she shouts too. “Now look, your parents only want what’s best for you. They don’t want to see you hurt okay and that man will definitely do that okay? You hear me?”
But Lee-Ann interrupts her, “Like which man won’t hurt you? A white man huh? Is that it? So assume that Simo will hurt me because only black men are capable of hurting women? Hmmm Julie? Is that it?” Now all this exchange is happening with everyone on their feet, it is getting out of control. Julie comes closer to Lee-Ann as if she’s challenging her into a boxing match, “Need I remind you of what these criminals did to my mom, your aunt cuz? Huh? You forgot that didn’t you? They hijacked them and hurt my dad, don’t you remember that Lee? Huh?” now she’s emotional and burning with anger. But Lee-Ann doesn’t respond to that but she’s still looking at Julie right in the eyes.
“They are not all the same cuz and you know that,” she says with a low voice this time as if she’s begging for calm. But this doesn’t help a Julie whose eyes have fire in them. She pulls away from Lee-Ann and goes to the sofa, she grabs her bag and storms towards to door, “They are all the same,” she shouts without looking back as she slams the door behind her, leaving everyone shocked. Lee-Ann looks at her parents and who are just standing there, lost for words. She also storms out of the room going up the stairs without a moment’s notice.
***
Later on in the day, Julie had come to see Mlu at his place. She felt she needed to blow up some steam after the argument she had with her cousin Lee-Ann. “Thank you for letting me in charmer boy,” she says to Mlu as she sits down on the sofa. Mlu didn’t expect this visit after what had happened over the weekend. But he can’t say no, can he? He sits next to her, “Oh well, I couldn’t say no to you could I now?” he says with charm. Julie smiles at him shyly.
“Do you want anything to drink?” Mlu offers as he goes over to the kitchen. “A beer would be nice. It’s after hours anyways, right?” Julie shouts. Mlu comes back with two beers. He gives her one and they both say cheers as they lift their bottles. There’s quietness as they take a sip. They are looking at each other as they sip but Mlu is waiting on Julie to start a conversation. He can’t read what she’s on about.
He puts his beer down and looks at Julie, who also puts hers down and looks at Mlu. She doesn’t seem to know how to break the ice.
“So, how is Simo?” she finds courage to asks but can tell Mlu isn’t comfortable with the question. “I know they had an argument of some sort a few days ago and my cousin is back home. So I was just checking if he’s okay, that’s all.” She looks down as she rubs her hands together.
“Well, well, well” Mlu says. “Here I was thinking you had come to see me” he smiles. “What did Lee-Ann say to you? I mean she must have said something, right?” as he takes another sip at his beer. Julie gets closer to him, “Arg man, of course I came to see you. And I’m sorry I hadn’t been in touch lately. Since that weekend, things have been rather tense so I thought maybe it may not be the right time, you know?” she says as she takes a huge sip that puts the beer half way. “I’ve come from Lee-Ann’s and she’s not in a good place herself and today we didn’t have the best of conversation about her and Simo, so I don’t think I’m her favourite person right now.” She concludes
Mlu takes a huge sip himself that finishes the beer, maybe he needs another one. He goes to the fridge, “Okay I hear you. But can I just ask this question,” he shouts as he looks deep in the refrigerator to find two cold ones. “What’s with the sudden concern with Simo’s wellbeing anyways, I mean we all know that you ain’t the fan of the relationship” he comes back and put the beers on the coffee table.
Julie looks at him with confused eyes as if she has no idea what Mlu is taking about. “Oh come on, don’t be like that okay” she says. “I care about what happens to my cousin okay. Her wellbeing is important to me and…” but she doesn’t finish as Mlu cuts her of, “And you must be thrilled that there’s serious tensions between them now, don’t you?” he says as he opens his beer. He takes a huge sip. He doesn’t show emotion whatsoever. But Julie doesn’t seem to like that he cut her of but she ignores it, “Look, I won’t lie okay. I just don’t think those two are suited for each other. I think they will end up hurting each other more than anything” she says as she opens her second beer.
Mlu doesn’t seem to like where this is going. He takes a sip and looks Julie who is looking at her back. He looks to the ceiling as he takes a deep sigh. “Tell me something, if you feel this way about these guys why is it that you and I hook up from time to time? What’s up with that exactly?”
This question seems to have caught Julie of guard as she gets an uncomfortable hiccup from swallowing the beer. “Oh come on now Mlu, why do you have to go there now?” she’s uncomfortable. She puts her beer down and looks at him. “We talked about this, right? Our thing has no name. We just move with the flow from time to time. They on the other hand are in a committed relationship and yes I don’t approve of it” she raises her voice a little bit. The argument with Lee-Ann is still fresh in her mind, or it could just be beer in her head already. Mlu is also feeling the effects of it. It’s easier now to have an uncomfortable conversation without feeling awkward.
“So, because Simo is black? I mean who said all black people are like that? Do we go around hurting women? Don’t white boys hurt women too? I mean why must this be about race with you Julie? More confusing is why do you end up in my bed in some days? What are you trying to say about me exactly? Help me understand because…”
But without a moment’s notice Julie jumps on him and kisses him deeply and with no intention of breaking the kiss. Mlu is really caught off guard because he was still venting and what he expected was a little more like a heated argument instead. He then suddenly pulls away and breaks the kiss. He’s breathing heavily. “uhmm, Jules I don’t think that’s a good idea okay” he sighs heavily, still dizzy from it.
But Julie just looks at him with the eyes of wanting him desperately. She’s not saying a word but her eyes are doing all the talking. She comes closer for another one, Mlu tries to back up but he’s reached the end of his sofa. Julie’s eyes are becoming irresistible to him.
“Julie this isn’t a good idea. I don’t think you are thinking straight okay. I don’t think we are thinking straight. So why don’t we do this another time okay?” he speaks softly as he has nowhere to run but to literally stand and run. But when Julie gets close enough him, he gives up and goes for it. They kiss passionately for a minute or two. The next thing their clothes are of on the floor and they are making love on the sofa.
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