12
WHERE DID I GO WRONG?CHAPTER 12
After spending hours in my bedroom crying, I finally opened the door. I went to the bathroom and bathed. I went back to my bedroom, then lotioned and wore my PJs. I lay on the bed. A knock came through. Sis Sindisiwe walked in holding a tray of food.
"Hey, I brought you food," she said, flashing a warm smile.
"I'm not hungry, Sis Sindisiwe," I replied, turning to give her my back. I wiped my tears.
"It's not the end of the world," she said.
I swallowed hard. Don't tell me she knows. But of course, she knows; it was all over social media.
"Sindisiwe?" I said.
"Mbali?" she responded.
"Please close the door when you leave."
I covered my face with the blanket. After a few minutes, I heard the door closing. I closed my eyes slowly, drifting into sleep with my tears streaming down.
THE NEXT DAY
SINDISIWE'S POV
Seeing Mbali crying like that broke me. It had me wondering, if I had a daughter and she was in Mbali's situation, what would I do? How would I comfort her?
I sighed as I got off the bed and made the bed. I bathed, then wore my blue baggy jeans, black long-sleeved tight crop top, and crocs. I took my phone and walked to the lounge.
"Good morning, Mam' Pretty," I greeted.
She greeted back in her usual cold tone.
"What's happening with Mbali?" she asked. "She didn't have dinner with us yesterday, and even today, she's not up, and she's supposed to be at school."
If I tell her what's really happening, Mbali will probably hate me. I was about to tell her lies when Mbali walked into the lounge wearing a long skirt, too long.
"You finally decided to wear that school skirt?" Pretty asked, smiling.
Mbali nodded, forcing a smile. She's broken, she's hurt, and right now, she's trying to change who she is, all in the name of a teenage boy who is so stupid.
"I'll drive you to school," I said.
We bid our goodbyes to Pretty, then went to the car. She has eye bags; it seems like someone who cried the whole night. I brought the car to life, then started driving.
"There's no need to change who you are, Nana," I broke the silence after a few minutes.
"I am not changing who I am," she replied. "I'm just trying to hide my body since it seems like everyone knows my whole body. Everyone knows me naked, and there's nothing that can ever be done. I should be ashamed of myself."
Her voice was so cracky; tears threatened to come out. She faced the window and folded her arms.
"And right now, I have to face reality. I have to face the fact that... I... " She stopped talking and held her chest, trying to calm herself.
"It hurts; it hurts so much."
"I understand your pain; I know your pain. I've been there, although it's not the same thing, but I know exactly well how you're feeling, Nana."
She wiped her tears and looked at me.
"How do you know how I'm feeling?"
I sighed and focused on the road.
"I was thirteen; I fell for a seventeen-year-old who had a girlfriend. They were probably the power couple; everyone knew they were in a relationship, and some knew I was the side chick. I visited the guy at his home for the very first time, and he took my virginity. Yeah, first meet-up, and a lot happened. Remember, on the other side, the guy is dating.
"The next day, I was the main topic in high school. I was addressed as a 'lose panty.' The pain was on another level – the emotional damage, mental damage, everything was..."
I swallowed, fighting back my tears.
"It felt like the whole world shattered right in front of my eyes. I wanted to explain; I wanted to prove to people that I didn't mean to. He tricked me into doing it; he didn't consult with me; he told me we should go to his bedroom, and he forcefully opened my legs. I didn't mean to; I wanted to explain to everyone that I didn't mean to; it just happened, and the moment I tried to fight it more, it was already late because my purity was gone. News traveled so fast; I hated myself each and every f***ing day, and I still hate myself even today. I hate myself, Mbali, but I had to learn to live with reality, because time was moving; time wasn't going to wait for me so I can finish crying for my virginity.
I had to learn to live with that regret my whole f***ing teenage life, and it hurt, it hurt so much. I had no one to talk to, I was all by myself."
I swallowed and wiped my tears with my other hand. I held her hand and squeezed it.
"No matter what happens, just pull your big girl socks up and focus on moving on. Some things that happen in your life are just lessons. Learn from your mistakes and move on. If you hear people saying this and that about you and you know it's not the truth, just ignore them. There's always your side of the story, which people don't want to hear. It's not the end of the world, okay?"
She nodded with her glossy eyes. I kissed her hand.
"Now, we are going to open a case."
"Is it really necessary?" she asked.
"Yes, it is. This boy needs to learn that linking women's nudes on social media is a real offense. It seems like he wasn't taught well."
She sighed. I kissed the back of her hand again.
"Can we please go tomorrow, then? I don't feel like seeing people today."
"No problem. Everything is going to be alright."
Welcome to my country, where teenage girls suffer each and every pain alone, and they have no shoulder to cry on. We are living in a world where their cries are silent. Their voices are unheard. More like the country is owned by men. The silenced voice of Domestic Abuse, How Social Media has ruined some people's lives.
Where Women and their Teenage girls cry for justice, justice that they cannot find, Justice that is hard to find. Izililo za bafazi zizo phela nini? Bawone phi? Where did they go wrong?
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