The truth

DUTY AND DESIRE.
STORY BY BELLA ROYALTY.
P2/04.
[SPONSORED CHAPTER]

[DR APHIWE P. BHENGU]
After 10 years here I am, crashing out and it's really bad. I haven't touched a drop of alcohol in years, I don't even drink wine but today? I had to.

I don't understand why Nathi is doing this to me, I get it, I hear his point of view but at the same time I don't hear it.

Like what does he mean he had to let me believe that my life and future were on the line because I needed to grow individually? He does not understand the trauma and heartache I went through all those years ago, thinking someone out there had my sextape and one wrong move, it would be over for me.

I watched someone being shot in front of me, I spent months worrying that I had lied to him, felt pity for him whenever I saw Melusi standing next to him during those national addresses thinking, he doesn't know that the reason we are apart is his righthand man, meanwhile HE KNEW?

He's like 'Melusi meant well' HE MEANT WELL? Is he being serious right now? His heart was in a good place? At whose expense? I mean yeah sure what Nathi and I had back then was diabolical, I get it, but I had agreed to wait for Nathi till he finished his first term, and he just allowed this to happen? For 10 whole years???

That's not even the crazy part, I won't even get to his plan against Precious, he sent Idris to…I don't know what exactly, but he sent Idris to me and here I was thinking, I'm in love, this is real…and it wasn't?

You see that part? That part is what's making me crazy because what do you mean the past 3 years with this guy were all a lie? I loved Idris, a part of me still does, contrary to popular belief, I felt something for Idris otherwise I wouldn't have been with him for 3 whole years, you can't even say that he was my rebound because I was single for almost 7 years, which was enough time for me to get rid of Nathi in my system.

I was with him because I felt something for him and it hurts that he was only doing a job that he was paid to do, is he like a male escort or something? Is he even a real detective at this point? Is Idris even his real name?

And this man, he just expects me to reach over to the archives and pull out memories from 10 years ago when I was just a teen? As if I've been waiting for him all this while?

The minute I started dating, was the day I left him in the past and now he's back, disturbing my peace, crashing my reality with his presence.

—
This is my 3rd bottle of wine by the way, I doubt I can even get up from this floor I've been slumped on, since the 'The President of the Republic Of South Africa' paid me a visit.

Sky and Laura would joke right now and say I have nice life problems. The whole president of a country wants me. As much as that's a nice feeling, it's also very stressful, and I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with being the president's partner.

The door creaked open.
Me: Well well well look who it is, if it isn't my paid actor of a boyfriend.
Idris: You are drunk? You don't drink Pearl, how many bottles of wine have you had?
Me(giggles): Look at you playing your role so well, since your employer was here, I think your role has come to an end, so leave me alone!

He snatched the bottle of wine from me and went to pour it in the sink and walked back to me, well Nathi sure knows my type because Idris is delicious, looking at him even now, is turning me on.

Me: Where are you taking me? Don't tell me you've been sent to deliver me to your boss?

He chuckled as he walked with me to the bedroom, he laid me there, I was so drunk, the room was literally spinning, I laid on my side and started vomiting really hard, Idris was next to me in a flash, rubbing my back as I did, he then went to get me a bottle of water and attempted to clean up my mess.

Me: Please don't, I'll clean it.
Idris: I don't mind.
Me: I do, just run me a bath instead.

He nodded, I slowly got up and went to get the bucket and mop, poured in the disinfectant and water and went back and cleaned my mess, after I was done I got undressed and went to the bathroom, I got inside the tub and so did he, I just rested my head on his chest and we sat in silence.

Idris: I'm sorry I lied.

He said after a while.
Me: Why did you agree to do this? Idris I loved you, you made me fall in love with you knowing very well that you were just doing a job, you never once made me doubt your love and what we had.

Idris: I know and I'm sorry, I owed Irvin a favor, when he asked that I take care of you, I couldn't refuse, I asked what would happen if I fell for you and he told me he'd kill me, and I also asked him what would happen if you fell for me, he told me as soon as he showed up, that would change.

I swallowed.
Me: You people played with my feelings, Idris do you understand that I love you? What am I supposed to do with these feelings that I have for you now? Yes I agree seeing him again after so long, it got me crashing out and confused. I should be mad at you, I should be angry at you, but I can't… because what I feel something for you.

Idris: And him?

Me: It's been 10 years, Idris, when I met him I was just a child, we didn't even spend time together that much, we spent time together 3 times, the first time at the masked party and that was purely sexual, second time was after he had seen me at school, we talked and I agreed to be his mistress if you can call it that and the last time was when we separated, all those occasions, sex was involved, heavily so I don't know whether what I felt for him was sexual or what.

He kept quiet.
Me: And you? We didn't have sex for almost 8 months, at some point I was worried you were gay, but now it makes sense, you were holding off, you made me fall for you without us being sexually intimate.

I wiped my tears and he kissed my shoulder.
Idris: I'm sorry that I played with your feelings, I want you to know that this wasn't easy for me as well, you're such a good person Pearl, it killed me everyday but I understood why he did it, any man would have been lucky to have you as their partner, they wouldn't have wasted time, they would have wifed you and you'd have a bunch of kids running around here already so he did what he thought was best.

I turned to look at him.
Me: And you don't feel anything at all for me? This was just a job for you? And nothing else?
Idris: Does it matter Pearl? I can't have you, I wouldn't even win against him.
Me: It will heal a part of me, Idris, please.

He caressed my cheek.
Idris: The past 3 years have been magical with you.

I smiled.
Idris: Thank you.

I wiped my tears.
Idris: You weren't just a job or a favor Pearl.
Me: Is your contract over already?

He laughed a little.
Idris: It ends the second you get on that plane with him.
Me: Oh really?
Idris(smiles): Pearl…
Me: You owe me.

I kissed his lips.
Idris: Let's get out of here.

_____

I was still laying on Idris's chest when I felt a foreign cologne fill the whole room. I opened my eyes and looked around and got a shock when I saw Nathi standing by the window.

Idris also woke up.
Nathi: Thought the two of you will never wake up.
Me: What are you doing here?
Nathi: Idris, can we have the room please?

Idris kissed my cheek and got out of bed, wore his pants and walked out.
Nathi: You can at least control your thirst.

I looked at him, I was staring at Idris for a while, understandably so, he's a fine man.
Me: You shouldn't have chosen someone like him to cater to my needs if you didn't want me to quench my thirst.
Nathi: Do I have to kill him?
Me: Yes if you don't want me in your life.
Nathi: Excuse me?

Me: You heard me, Nkosinathi, what do you expect? For me to switch off the feelings I have for him because you showed up? Switch them off because you hired him to play my boyfriend? Are you serious? These are real feelings, Nkosinathi! I've been with him for the past 3 years which is longer than I've ever been with you, he understands me, he cares about me, I do too! So my feelings won't fade just because you said so, it doesn't work like that!

He grabbed a chair and sat next to the bed.
Nathi: I am sorry.

Me: That is not good enough! You played with my feelings Nathi and you just expect me to drop everything and be with you! I'm not even sure what I felt for you can be classified as love! Our encounters were mostly influenced by desire! And I was a teenager back then, I'm a grown woman now!

Nathi: Aphiwe of course I don't expect you to have feelings sitting there waiting for me, I know that I have a lot of work to do but Aphiwe I am ready okay? I want you, I love you, I've never stopped loving you.

I shook my head.
Nathi: I gave up on you once, I won't make the same mistake again, this is our time, our time to be together, we owe it to the younger versions of ourselves that couldn't be together back then, if it works out then great, if it doesn't then we won't spend the rest of our lives with what if's wondering how things would have been if Melusi hadn't done what he did.

I looked away.
Nathi: I've never stopped thinking about you, loving you, missing you, I missed you everyday for the past 10 years, please give us another chance and I promise I will prove to you why we were worth the wait.

Me: I've never made a decision based on a man and you want me to drop everything and come back home with you, a home where we both know we won't be accepted easily despite your wife being caught cheating, what if they also drop files on you being a pedophil—

Nathi: You were 18, Aphiwe, I didn't commit any crime.
Me: Still Nathi! They won't be as receptive! I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with the hate.
Nathi: I will protect you.
Me: I'm not even interested in politics, what kind of first lady will I be?
Nathi: One that is her own person, my partner, my wife, the mother of my kids, a qualified Medical practitioner.
Me: You're asking a lot from me Nathi.

Nathi: I'm asking you to let me love you loudly this time, I'm asking you to stand in the sun with me, I know I'm not worth dropping everything for, but I am asking you to do that for me and I will prove to you why, I'll do anything Aphiwe, I'll build you your own hospital if I have to so that you can do what you love.

He held my hand.
Nathi: Please, Aphiwe.
Me: I don't know Nathi.
Nathi: At least think about it, your Residency is ending in a few days, Take a few days to think about this and then get back to me.

I nodded.
Nathi: Just… stop fucking that boy, it's affecting my ego, especially since I'm not that young anymore.

I laughed and he smiled.
Nathi: At least you still appreciate my sense of humor.
Me: You are not that old.
Nathi: Child I'm 44, that's pretty old.
Me(smiles): You don't look a day over 40.
Nathi: Bless your heart.

We laughed.
Nathi: You're so beautiful.

I blushed looking down.
Nathi: Ngiyakuthanda Aphiwe, I really hope one day I will stumble across a headline that claims you're back.
Me: Why would I be on a headline?
Nathi: You're South Africa's golden girl, have you forgotten that?

I laughed.
Me: Oh, yall haven't found the next golden girl yet?
Nathi: Its only you, it'll always be you.

I looked at him and he looked at me with a smile.
Nathi: I have to go.
Me: Okay.
Nathi: Please don't break my heart, come back to me.

He kissed my forehead and walked out and I finally breathed.

What do I do?

[PRECIOUS ZUNGU, FIRST LADY]
Mrs Zungu got in the room and I stopped pacing and placed my son in his little cot.

Me: And then?
Mrs Zungu: He won't budge, Melusi won't hear it, he's refusing to let me in, in that media briefing room, he's refusing to help us bury this.
Me: No, no, no this can't be happening!
Mrs Zungu: Kodwa nawe Precious! An affair with Nkosikhona?
Me: It was a moment of weakness Mah, Nathi didn't want me back then, we were in an open relationship.
Mrs Zungu: He might have given you a free pass card but that didn't mean get in bed with his brother! Maybe he could have forgiven us for the kids, but you had an affair with the man!

I wiped my tears.
Me: Mah you don't understand, even when Nkosinathi asked us to give this marriage a chance, he wasn't fully involved, some days he wanted me and some days he was dismissive, now it makes sense because there was somebody else this entire time!

Mrs Zungu: Ey don't change the subject, don't make it about Nkosinathi, you started sleeping with his brother way before he asked you to give this marriage a chance, his own brother! These people already don't like each other and you've just made it worse! Even I, cannot protect you from this!

I looked at her stunned.
Me: What? He's going to divorce me! The nation is already calling him to do that, they are assassinating my character as we speak! I am done for!
Mrs Zungu: What do you want me to do Zekhethelo? There's photogenic evidence that this didn't start now! I would have been able to protect you if it was still about expanding this family but we both know it's not! There's nothing more I can do for you, you and Nkosikhona will have to answer for your actions!

I couldn't believe this woman! She walked out and I sank on my bed, running my hands all over my hair, this was a mess, I didn't even know how to even fix it.

Nkosikhona: Hey.

I looked up.
Me: What are we going to do?
Nkosikhona: Well everything is out there now, so… maybe now's your chance to be free from him like you've always wanted, we can finally be together, be able to raise our children as a family, I told you I was sick of my brother playing family with my children.

Me: Nkosi, being with Nkosinathi comes with security, and I mean not just physically, but financially, it comes with respect, it comes with legacy, being with you is nice and all but Nkosikhona, and if I were to go with feelings, I'd choose you but Nkosikhona, realistically? You don't work, you're enjoying benefits of being related to the president, he's got a shit load of businesses out there and you don't want to be involved with those business but you expect a share at the end of the month, you don't have a house, you don't have a car, how will you provide for me and the kids?

Nkosikhona: Maybe this is the wake up call I needed.
Me: And you think you won't be blackballed? Nkosinathi will make your life a living hell! He has connections everywhere!
Nkosikhona: You'll get a share out of the divorce settlement.

Me: Oh my God! What have I done? I just had to make babies with the most unserious brother of them all! Are you serious right now? You know what? Don't answer that, our best chance here is to deny everything! Except for the children's part, but other than that, we never had an affair. Your mother came up with this idea because he knew Nkosinathi would be shattered if he found out he couldn't have kids.

Nkosikhona: I'm not lying to Nkosinathi.
Me: You have to!!

I stood up and walked to him.
Me: I'd rather be in this loveless marriage with Nkosinathi than go live in poverty with an unserious man like you!
Nkosikhona: Then I will take my kids with me.

I laughed.
Me: Those kids aren't yours! Those kids are my husband's, the president and you? You are nothing, I will deny whatever this is, I will lie if I have to!

There was a knock at the door, mom walked in and Nkosikhona walked out.
Mom: Is it true? What they are saying? You cheated on your husband with his brother?
Me: It's all lies mom, it's all lies!
Mom: This doesn't look like a lie to me Zekhethelo! I thought I raised you better!

She threw the newspaper at me.
Mom: Why would you do such a thing? Knowing very well what would happen if the president left you?
Me(crying): I didn't—
Mom: Don't lie to me Zekhethelo!

I just broke down.
Me: It just happened mom! I was lonely, dad had just died, I felt guilty because I told Nkosinathi everything and I knew he was responsible for his death, Nkosinathi still insisted on an open marriage, who would dare approach the president's wife? Nkosikhona is the only man that didn't care about who Nkosinathi was, he understood the dynamics of our marriage, he made me feel whole! Made me feel loved!

I wiped my tears.
Me: It just happened mom! I couldn't control it, next thing my husband comes home and sleeps with me, it doesn't end there, he asks if we could give this marriage a chance, and I thought to myself, this is God answering my prayers, I broke things off with Nkosikhona and gave my attention to my husband and marriage, my mother in law started pressuring me about a grandchild, my husband wanted a child as well, there were these rumors as well going around, that I wasn't fertile, I went to the doctor and he confirmed I was very fertile.

Mom: So Nkosinathi is the one who isn't fertile?

Me: I did the tests behind his back, I didn't want to fail him or lose him again, he was looking forward to being a father, knowing he was infertile would have shattered him, it would have broken him, it would have ended us, so his mother suggested the traditional way, Nkosikhona had to step in and help his brother, so it happened, NJ was born, he was so happy, it made everything I had done worth it.

Mom: But sleeping with Nkosikhona never stopped, the two other kids weren't planned.
Me(crying): Yes, mom they weren't planned, 3 kids in the space of 10 years is crazy.
Mom: Do you love him?
Me: Who?
Mom: Don't act like you don't know who I'm talking about.
Me: He won't be able to provide for me and the kids.
Mom: Does he make you happy?
Me: Nkosikhona is not serious about life mama, my happiness doesn't matter. I have kids now.

Mom: Then you deny this affair, you deny it Zekhethelo, only admit to the children and even then, blame the whole plan on his mother, tell him if it'll please him, he can take another wife, but don't agree to a divorce.

I kept quiet.
Me: He will definitely leave me and bring his true love back to the country.
Mom: Fight for your marriage Zekhethelo.

Me: He hasn't even tried calling me, I don't even know what he's thinking as we speak, mama this is a mess, he just called and spoke to his children as usual and that was it.

Cherry stepped in.
Cherry: Ma'am you are needed in the media briefing room.

I wiped my tears and Mom remained behind with my baby while I went to the media briefing room, every intern, staff that we passed in the hallway kept giving me the eye, judging me.

When I got inside the media briefing room, everyone went quiet.
Melusi: Bonnie?

Bonnie: "The Unity House is aware of the leaked intimate photos of the first lady and her brother in law, the family asks for privacy as they deal with this matter privately, as everyone is aware the president is currently in Paris recovering from the injury he sustained a few days ago after he was shot alongside 4 other world leaders…"

Someone cleared their throat, disturbing us all and everyone had their eyes at the door, I looked there as well and it was Leo, Sean, Marcus with my husband, when did he land?

Melusi: Sir.

My hands were trembling, he was looking right at me, the tension was so thick, If I knew a disappearing spell, I would have cast it and disappeared, Nkosinathi over the years grew very quiet, we all noticed this, he talked less, every time he talks it's like he doesn't want to talk or talking is painful for him, I don't know but his stares are more deadly than his words.

Me(crying): Babe I can…I can explain, this is not…

I swallowed hard, everyone was looking at me, waiting for me to explain myself.

Melusi: Perhaps we should have the first lady and the president space…
Bonnie: I agree uhm…everyone lets—
Nkosinathi: Everyone stay, we are gathered here to come up with ideas to deal with this media nightmare that my lovely, faithful wife has caused right?

Everyone remained silent.
Nkosinathi: As Everyone is aware, I don't like burying the truth, that has never been my strategy.
Bonnie: Sir are you suggesting that we—
Nkosinathi: We tell our people the truth.
Me(crying): Nkosinathi please…please don't do this, at least let me explain myself, can we please talk privately and then we can brief the team, please baba kaNJ, don't do this…