Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Hlelolenkosi Hlophe

Today I didn't have class, so I stayed home to clean. The shack was quiet except for the sound of water sloshing in the basin as I scrubbed my clothes. It felt good to keep my hands busy. Work was later, but for now, it was just me and the laundry, me and my thoughts.

Halfway through rinsing, my phone rang. Unknown number.

"Hello?" I answered, breathless from bending over the bucket.

"Hi sisi," a women's voice said. "I hope you are well. I'm the head of prison at Kgosi Mampuru."

My stomach dropped. My hand froze in the water.

"Okay…" My voice was already shaking.

"You need to come to the prison as soon as possible."

Fear crawled up my spine. "Why? What has happened?"

"It can't be discussed over the phone, mtwanami. You have to come. Will you be able to come?"

"Yes… yes, I'll be there," I stammered.

The call ended. My heart thudded painfully. My hands felt numb as I dropped the wet clothes back into the basin.

I bathed quickly, the water ice-cold but my skin burning. My fingers shook as I buttoned my shirt. Outside, the sun blazed but the air felt heavy. I caught a taxi to the facility, staring out the window the whole ride. Everything blurred—the buildings, the streets, the people.

When I walked into Kgosi Mampuru, the air felt different. No smiles, no jokes from the guards this time. Just silence. Heavy, uncomfortable silence.

A warder escorted me to the Head of Prisons' office. She tried small talk, but I couldn't hear a word. My heart was in my throat, my hands clutched together so tight my knuckles were white.

"Why am I here, Ma?" I finally asked, my voice low but firm.

She hesitated. Looked down at her hands. Cleared her throat.
"Uhmmm… there is no easy way to say this, mtwanami. Uhmmm… uNkosinathi usishiyile."

I felt the words hit me like a blow to the chest. My ears started ringing. My vision blurred. I couldn't breathe. The world tilted, closing in on me like a dark tunnel.

"I can't… I don't think I will survive this. First my mom, then my brother? No, God, no. Why? Is this what you want—for me to be alone?"

Tears streamed down my face, but I tried to steady my voice. Mama's scriptures came back to me through the fog: God will never leave us nor forsake us. Everything works together for the good of those who love Him. I clung to those words like a rope in a storm.

"I'm a mess," I whispered under my breath.

The head of prison leaned forward gently. "We are aware of your situation. He will be buried by the state. You don't need to do anything. Just attend. Everything will be arranged."

I nodded slowly. I couldn't even form words. My body felt heavy as I stood up and walked out.

The corridor felt endless. My feet moved but I couldn't feel the ground. People passed me but their faces were blank, muffled like I was underwater.

When I reached the rank, I climbed into a taxi without thinking. I sat down and stared at nothing, my hands trembling in my lap. The tears came hard, deep sobs that shook my whole body. I cried so loudly that even the people in the taxi didn't dare ask what was wrong. Some stared. Others looked away.

At my stop, I got off slowly, my legs weak like they might give out. I pushed myself forward step by step, all the way to my shack.

Inside, it felt emptier than ever. I hung the damp clothes on the line with the little energy I had left, my hands moving automatically. Then I cooked something small—pap and chicken—and forced myself to eat even though my throat burned.

Finally, I lay down on my mattress. Sleep was the only therapy I had left. I closed my eyes and let the darkness take me, hoping it would hold me just a little while longer.