“I do.” It was six years ago when I said those words. When I agreed to be a husband to woman I thought loved me. I know I loved her, heck I still love her. Is love suppose to hurt? Is it supposed to hurt so much. Does loving someone mean you forget about yourself because in the last four years of marriage I feel like I have lost myself in loving a person who doesn’t care about the love I have showed her. It started four years ago after she gave birth to our twins S’busiso and Siphosonke. I thought it was PPD(Postpartum Depression) because she didn’t want to have anything to do with twins. I got her into therapy but I realized it was not it. This woman was just not interest in being a mother. She got pregnant because she didn't want to be labeled as barren. She should have just told me that she was not ready for kids, I would have understood. She was never under any pressure to provide kids for me.
“Nkosinathi I did my duty as a wife and gave you children, what do you want me from me?” She once said.
“How about you try to mother to mother them Zinhle? How about you try being a mother to them?” She looked at me like I was crazy and told me straight that I am mad. It has been just me and the kids since then. Yes she is here, she lives here but it’s the same as her not being here. My twins only know of a mother’s love from their grandmothers. My mother and her mother help me with the kids. She couldn’t careless. Ever since the kids were born life has been nothing but a nightmare. I don’t know how many times I’ve ended up in hospital because the woman tried to kill me but I stayed, I continue staying. To her I am nothing but a useless husband who doesn’t contribute anything to her life and yet this woman spends my money like there is no tomorrow. That’s all that I am good for, giving her money when she asks for it. For someone who wanted to be a housewife, she is definitely not doing anything related to being a wife in this house. Every time I try to get out of this marriage I end up in hospital or my children’s lives are threatened.
*************************
“Andile please stop, you are hurting me.” I’ve been married to this man for ten years. I don’t know when things changed in this house. I know they became worse after I gave birth to our daughter Iminathi. “Ilitha you are always provoking me. You are always testing my patience.” A slap lands across my face. “Why do you do it? Am I not your husbad? Why do you not listen to me?” That’s how it has been. I think I am also being punished for refusing to quit my job. Besides my children that job is the only thing keeping me sane. It is the only thing that holds me down, that reminds me of who I am. The only that does not not allow me to forget where I came and I why I am doing this.
I was ignorant. I won’t say I was blinded by love, no I was not. The red flags were there. Very subtle. So subtle that you can easilyly miss them or ignore them. For a lack of a better word, I was ignorant. All the signs were there but I married him because I thought the love that I had for him would change him. He never changed, it’s as if being married gave him permission to be what he is. Now he wants to take a second wife. What for? That I never understood. I’m in time to prepare dinner and take care of the kids and no matter how tired I am still take care of his needs.
He doesn’t have a proper relationship with his kids because he does all this in front. He is a man, he is not going to be told by a woman what to do. As his wife all I am allowed to do is what he tells me. His doesn’t want anything to with me him. Our son, our firstborn who is eight years old, hates his father. Every time I try to walk away I am not given an option. He always tells me how much I am nothing without him. “I told you that you the only way you’ll ever leave this marriage is in a coffin and you will accept Amandla, do you hear me?” A kick lands on my stomach and he walks out leaving me there to see to myself. He no longer apologizes. Now it’s all my fault he is the way he is.
“Nkosinathi I did my duty as a wife and gave you children, what do you want me from me?” She once said.
“How about you try to mother to mother them Zinhle? How about you try being a mother to them?” She looked at me like I was crazy and told me straight that I am mad. It has been just me and the kids since then. Yes she is here, she lives here but it’s the same as her not being here. My twins only know of a mother’s love from their grandmothers. My mother and her mother help me with the kids. She couldn’t careless. Ever since the kids were born life has been nothing but a nightmare. I don’t know how many times I’ve ended up in hospital because the woman tried to kill me but I stayed, I continue staying. To her I am nothing but a useless husband who doesn’t contribute anything to her life and yet this woman spends my money like there is no tomorrow. That’s all that I am good for, giving her money when she asks for it. For someone who wanted to be a housewife, she is definitely not doing anything related to being a wife in this house. Every time I try to get out of this marriage I end up in hospital or my children’s lives are threatened.
*************************
“Andile please stop, you are hurting me.” I’ve been married to this man for ten years. I don’t know when things changed in this house. I know they became worse after I gave birth to our daughter Iminathi. “Ilitha you are always provoking me. You are always testing my patience.” A slap lands across my face. “Why do you do it? Am I not your husbad? Why do you not listen to me?” That’s how it has been. I think I am also being punished for refusing to quit my job. Besides my children that job is the only thing keeping me sane. It is the only thing that holds me down, that reminds me of who I am. The only that does not not allow me to forget where I came and I why I am doing this.
I was ignorant. I won’t say I was blinded by love, no I was not. The red flags were there. Very subtle. So subtle that you can easilyly miss them or ignore them. For a lack of a better word, I was ignorant. All the signs were there but I married him because I thought the love that I had for him would change him. He never changed, it’s as if being married gave him permission to be what he is. Now he wants to take a second wife. What for? That I never understood. I’m in time to prepare dinner and take care of the kids and no matter how tired I am still take care of his needs.
He doesn’t have a proper relationship with his kids because he does all this in front. He is a man, he is not going to be told by a woman what to do. As his wife all I am allowed to do is what he tells me. His doesn’t want anything to with me him. Our son, our firstborn who is eight years old, hates his father. Every time I try to walk away I am not given an option. He always tells me how much I am nothing without him. “I told you that you the only way you’ll ever leave this marriage is in a coffin and you will accept Amandla, do you hear me?” A kick lands on my stomach and he walks out leaving me there to see to myself. He no longer apologizes. Now it’s all my fault he is the way he is.
LanguageEnglish
StatusOngoing
UpdatedJan 1, 1970
Chapters38
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