CHAPTER TEN
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l place my phone nicely on the counter making sure l balance it with the vase .l fix myself before setting on the couch , Ethan already looks for our session . Yeah l might be here in Harare but that won't stop me from talking to Ethan he is still very much my counselor and his been helping me alot in these past few days since lve been feeling a little bit under the weather .
Ethan : l see you now settled can we start ?
Me : yeah sure .
Ethan : Good , do lm going to start asking questions from where we left off on yesterday's session . But first l must ask how are you feeling today ?
Me: Uhm l feel better than yesterday , each passing day my weight lightens aslong as lm able to talk to you .
Ethan : That's good to hear , so just yesterday you were stressing about the kids especially your young one . How has he been copying in the past few days , are there any unsual signs mostly the drawing part
Me : No l haven't seen anything unsual expect for the fact that he was really excited to be going to creche today something he never did when we were back there .
Ethan : l see ...l guess his adapting fast to the new area and the energy around him . Remember he just came from a home where he would witness violence most of the time and it was really toxic and the only way he could express himself is through drawing what he sees . And about the divorce when are you planning on filling it .
Me : Honestly l don't know ...
Ethan : don't feel pressured okay , you have a lot of time to decide . l just want you to know that you are worth more than you think you worth . lf you still love him you can hold a place for him in your heart , but that doesn't mean you can't allow yourself to be loved .Find your happiness put yourself and your kids first then the rest will follow .
Why is he making so much sense today ? he always makes sense but today he just decided to take it to another level .
You know that moment you feel like you won't be able to love someone who's not the same person that you spent years with ...for me it just feels like even if someone will be will to love me l won't be able to give myself a chance at being loved . lm so afraid , what if the rest of the man are like kuda . l know lm wrong for saying that but the person my husband was just so loving but look at what he has become .
l cant help but let my tears flow , my chest is burning .
Ethan: Breath okay Breath .
I take a deep breath I and out , l do that continuesly until l calm down . when am l going to stop crying huh , lm here wasting my tears for someone who's not even thinking about me right now . lm falling apart , lm trying to pick up the pieces but all lm doing is breaking the broken pieces. lm trying to act normal but lm mentally losing myself .
Ethan : One-step at a time , nothing will ever be okay overnight Martina and what you currently feeling now is not going to last forever . l would've loved to continue with the conversation but you already on a bad space perhaps we could ...
Me : Continue tomorrow ? no , let's get to it right now .
Ethan : O-kay , l like that spirit .
l chuckle a little bit.
Ethan : So let's talk about your daughter , how has she been acting recently now that you've moved there .
l really want to say good but she has her days where she snaps , yeah it's something she just started doing . l close my eyes not knowing how to answer the question
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